There is no hardship, no cruel world, no inconvenience or curse that Lan Wangji would not choose if it kept him by Wei Ying's side. That much is effortless to understand. He stays silent, listening, as he slices peppers, however, and turns the phrase found family over in his mind, and feels something troublesome as a shadow at the back of his mind. For the first months after he came here, even with Wei Ying returned to his arms and his bed, he longed for the Cloud Recesses every day. It pulls at him still, circling him like a koi that occasionally nips at his feet. His brother, his uncle, his sweet students and their unpolished cultivation. He has duties, and he has abandoned them, voluntarily or not.

With time, as if by accident after accident, he has accumulated duties here, too. He has a part to play in Claudius' wedding, and he would like to see the first time that Claudius wins a game of weiqi. He brings food to Qi Yuanjun, and intermittently to Aleksander. He has promised to teach Magnus countless things, beginning with calligraphy. He even has promises to keep to Crowley. When he shared tea with his brother, he was privately and shamefully grateful that Wei Ying was still in his bed. It spared him an impossible choice. That choice feels more and more impossible with each passing day. Once, sitting with Claudius over tea, he envisioned a path back to the Cloud Recesses, and he knew that he would take it, Wei Ying on his arm, without hesitation. Today, he can no longer be so certain.

It is petty and selfish, but he hopes that this choice avoids him for a little while longer. He finishes slicing the peppers and sets his knife aside.