"Sometimes, I feel as if my soul stops living within my body. I feel as if I'm watching it from far away and can't get back inside it. It used to happen often. Less now." He plucks another blade of grass to begin sprinkling deliberately on Magnus. "It didn't happen when Shen Yuan died, because I had to take care of Claudius. But after Nina told us there was something that could be done, and Claudius began to feel better, he didn't need me in the same way, and I became... unattached."