I Have GOT To Pick Better Habits [semi-closed post]

[summerdude]

The zombies are gone, the bodies are healed, the Magnus is exhausted. He's had an extremely strange few days. First, everyone else seems to start unloading their entire hearts at him -- unexpected! But pretty cool! -- and then he wakes up to zombies.

It really gets him thinking, is the thing. He's been practicing swordplay daily since arriving, sparring with people or against Jack, trying to keep a hand in and not let his mediocre skills atrophy. He's also been exercising in new-to-him invigorating ways, learning new stuff, meeting new people...

He likes it here. He really, really likes it here. He misses his friends back home more than words can possibly express, but if he went back to Valhalla right now, he'd miss the people here, too, some of them even equally as bad. And he doesn't want to subject these people all to Valhalla -- it's really not for everyone -- but he also can't figure out how to bring all his people here. Jack still can't rip through the barriers between worlds here like he can anywhere else in the Nine.

He likes it here... and it's becoming abundantly clear to him that he doesn't want to fight all the time anymore. The zombies have made it really, stunningly clear how much he doesn't miss Battle Practice or dying all the time. The rest has clued him into how much he likes learning new things, and talking to different kinds of people, and figuring out who he is when he's not constantly in crisis all the time, zombies aside.

But liking it here so much feels kind of like a betrayal? Especially after all the specific, deliberate choices he's made to stay in Valhalla with his people. And this sobers him, a little, blunting the rough edge of the adrenaline that's still coursing through his body.

His thoughts are distracting and, thusly preoccupied as he walks through the halls in the vague direction of his room, a shower, and a nap, he absently reaches out and returns Jack to pendant form...

And immediately passes out.

[Post intended for anyone who will be particularly upset by Magnus passing out xoxo]]

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[summerdude]

Magnus shakes his head. "I think I'm gonna find it really hard to live in the moment for a while," he admits. "I think I was doing okay before this, but it doesn't come easily to me." He closes his eyes; his voice wobbles a little when he says, "I really wish Alex was here. I'm worried I'll forget how, without him."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad wishes Alex were here too, so hard and sudden that it shakes him; he's suddenly certain that Alex, even more than Percival, would be the person who could help. He gives Magnus a squeeze.

[summerdude]

"I'd like you guys to meet, too," Magnus says. He still can't decide exactly how they'd get along, but they're both so important to him now. "At first, when we were first starting to get to know each other, I was like, wow, it would be so cool to watch Alex and Galahad fight, because I think Alex would have fun with how good Galahad is, and Galahad would have fun with Alex shapeshifting into different animals every minute. I think Alex genuinely likes fighting; she's like, the ideal einherji. But you don't, so maybe she could just show off." Alex isn't typically a big show-off, but maybe if she misses Magnus as much as he misses her, she'd indulge him.

[onthewillowsthere]

"I still would. I don't mind, I just don't want it," hoping this makes sense. "Or we could watch her. I'd like to see her shapeshift."

[summerdude]

"You don't want it to be your thing, but it's okay as recreation?" Magnus asks, checking. He wonders if he'd like fighting as recreation. Not now -- not anytime soon -- but someday.

Ugh. He probably shouldn't write fighting off yet, not until he's figured out an alternate path. If he gets spat out back at Valhalla the same way he stumbled into this place here, he'll be right back in the thick of it unless he comes up with a workable contingency plan. The thought fills him with more dread than he'd anticipated.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad nods. "Yes."

[summerdude]

"Cool," Magnus says. He refuses to let himself think about the possibility he might not see Alex again -- that's way too much, on top of everything else. He does feel a little self-conscious, though, now that it's crossed his mind. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess today. It's not usually like that when I pass out."

[onthewillowsthere]

"It's all right."

[summerdude]

"Thank you." Magnus swallows, blinks. "For being here anyway."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad squeezes him again, holding him close.

[summerdude]

"How are you doing, by the way?" Magnus asks, after a few minutes, guiltily remembering that he's not the only person who had a big weird day. "And, um -- Claudius? I know I healed him, so physically he should be fine, but -- emotionally, after getting bitten?"

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad flushes. "It's-- we're-- we're all right."

[summerdude]

"Oh, good," Magnus says. He doesn't see the flush, given the angle of their cuddling, but he does know best friend code just as well as he understands bro code and girl code^*, and it occurs to him that they haven't discussed Claudius at length yet. As Galahad's best friend (it's mutual; they've discussed it⁺), he should probably offer up his opinion. "He's really cool, dude, good choice."

*The three codes: hating a scrub your friends love (girl); casting judgement on someone your friends love (best friend); not sleeping with someone your friends love (bro).
⁺Regrettably, Magnus's typist has been waiting weeks to make this One Direction reference.

[onthewillowsthere]

"He understands me," Galahad says, because as it has been from the beginning this is the most important thing, encompassing all of the other things: because Claudius understands him, he's made the space for Galahad to trust him and be trusted; he's been patient, he's been kind, he's spoken into the silences when Galahad is listening. He's shared himself like the body and blood of Christ, held the cup of himself to Galahad's lips.

"I love him." Relief and joy. He hasn't said it since he signed it to Claudius in their room. He says it again. "I love him."

[summerdude]

"He loves you, too," Magnus says, with great conviction. After the conversations they've shared and the memories Magnus has seen, there's absolutely no doubt about that. He's grinning; he's thrilled for his friend. "Being understood is so important." It's one of the reasons he picked Galahad as a friend, after all; he's pretty sure they have a fundamental understanding. A different kind of understanding, surely, but still.

[onthewillowsthere]

"It's good," he agrees; there's a faint tremor in his voice.

[summerdude]

"I'm so happy for you," Magnus tells him. He's been mostly curled up and letting Galahad hold him, but he works an arm free so he can use it to cuddle Galahad harder, as emphasis.

[onthewillowsthere]

Happy. He's happy, too. He tucks his face into Magnus' shoulder.

[summerdude]

"Maybe," Magnus says, and now he's thinking out loud, distracting himself from the lingering badness of the day by focusing on an impossible, unlikely goodness. "If Alex ever came here, we could go on, like, a double date." He's trying to picture what that would look like. He just knows that's a thing you do, when you and your best friend both have really cool boyfriends. He hasn't formally tried it before with any of his coupled-up friends. Double dating with Halfborn and Mallory would definitely end in someone's bloodshed (probably Magnus's), and with Hearth and Blitz it would mostly feel like being chaperoned or pulling a shift in the Chase Space. He guesses they've done it with Samirah and Amir, but Alex (child of Loki) technically was serving as a male chaperone from Sam (daughter of Loki)'s family every time, and it always felt like it would be too unbalanced if he tried to hold Alex's hand when Sam and Amir couldn't.

Of one thing, though, he's relatively certain. "I think Claudius and Alex would be really funny together," he adds. "We could just watch them be extremely clever at each other and exchange smug glances about our excellent taste every few seconds."

[onthewillowsthere]

"What's a double date?" And then, to his astonishment, he laughs. He can almost imagine what Magnus is describing, Claudius and Alex speaking cleverly while he and Magnus admire them, the pleasure of knowing that they both chose well. It feels good to imagine, it feels warm and conspiratorial in the best way. "Yes," he agrees.

[summerdude]

Magnus grins. He loves Galahad's laugh. "A double date is -- wait, do you know what a regular date is?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"A fruit," still smiling. He knows this is the wrong answer -- he's trying to make Magnus laugh.

[summerdude]

Magnus does laugh. "I see we have a comedian in the house," he says, between chuckles, squeezing Galahad's arm mostly-reflexively.

[onthewillowsthere]

"What is a regular date?"

[summerdude]

"It's when you take someone you like -- a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or even just a crush -- to do activities together," Magnus says. "Or share a meal. I think the point is to spend time together, like, romantically, but in a place where you can have fun and get to know each other better, too?"