I Embrace My Inner Tarzan [open post]

[summerdude]

There's a massive old oak about fifty yards west of Magnus's favorite clearing. It has thick, sturdy branches; he can climb nearly forty feet up it before he starts to worry about them holding his weight. There's a family of squirrels that lives nearby -- good squirrels, nothing like Ratatosk -- and Magnus likes to listen to them discuss their acorn deposits. Sometimes, when they're not looking, he'll grow and stash more acorns for them to discover; he's not sure how long the winters here get.

He's pretty sure it's cold outside, but it's not cold enough to affect him, and so he's still barefoot and in a t-shirt pretty much all the time.

Today, he's been scrounging in some of the out-buildings. There's a portable outdoor fireplace. While he doesn't feel the cold, he finds (contained) fires comforting, and it'll be nice to have some hot food, so he shoulders it and a makeshift grill surface, and lugs them to the base of his oak tree. Now he'll have an easier way of preparing the fish Mothwing sometimes leaves him than trying to summon the right amount of summer into them so that they cook and don't explode, at least.

He lights a modest fire, feeding it with fallen sticks. Then he shoves an apple, picked from another nearby tree, into his mouth and a book he'd pilfered from the library into the waistband of his pants, and climbs up an easy ten feet to his favorite branch. Things don't seem so bad, living out here.

Comments

[summerdude]

Magnus nods. "I think so, too."

[lightbearinglord]

After another small stretch of silence, Lan Wangji picks up a lock of Magnus' freshly-combed hair and rubs it between two fingers. He considers how best to phrase this, particularly now that he knows Magnus is older than he appears. "Your room is empty. I have tended to the plants. Are you caring for yourself?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah," Magnus says. There's something about Lan Wangji -- Magnus feels like he can tell him anything, and he'll be listened to and understood, and not judged. Possibly because Lan Wangji has seen him at his worst in two very different ways, and still takes this kind of time to be there for him, talking through Magnus's questions, holding him like a -- like a --

Adult-shaped adult, Magnus tells himself, firmly.

"Do you know what a panic attack is?" Galahad hadn't, until Magnus explained them; he's trying to do better about his assumptions of common knowledge.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji can make some guesses based on the phrase, but assumptions without clarification rarely serve anyone. "Tell me," he says quietly, somewhere between a request and a directive.

[summerdude]

Magnus studies the branches of the cedar tree about ten yards in front of him. "I guess they're different for everyone. For me, it's like when I had asthma, before I died. Asthma is this thing -- it means you have trouble breathing, for... some reason, and sometimes it flares up into a full-on attack where the symptoms get really bad, really fast. I got a total glow-up when I died, so I don't have asthma anymore, but..." He shrugs. "It's this feeling like I can't breathe -- like something is crushing my chest, and something really terrible is going to happen. Heart racing, I actually feel temperatures, or something like them. When I was a kid, I would have really bad attacks when I was sleeping inside unless my room was totally empty and totally dark. Going outside helped."

It's not a complete explanation, but he doesn't know what else to say. He trusts Lan Wangji to asks the questions he needs.

[lightbearinglord]

It is enough for Lan Wangji to understand it. He frowns, and gives Magnus' shoulder another squeeze. He remembers that Magnus' father is a god associated with the outdoors, and that, too, helps him to understand. "You are more at peace outside?"

[summerdude]

"As long as there are no wolves around," Magnus jokes, and then nods. "Yeah. Usually it's just crowds, or wolves, or stuff that reminds me of asthma that makes it happen, but... with the broken window, and the whole reaction I had to fighting those zombies, it's just really, really hard to be inside right now." He leans harder against Lan Wangji. "Thank you for taking care of my plants. I was worried about them."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji releases a quiet breath, and turns to rest his forehead against the top of Magnus' head, just for another one or two of those breaths. "I will care for them if you care for yourself. And," he adds, slipping indulgently into precisely the tone he would use to tell Jingyi to sit properly, "comb your hair."

[summerdude]

Magnus grins. "Yes, sir," he says. More seriously, with a glance at the fire still crackling in his outdoor fireplace, he adds, "I really am okay out here. I don't get cold, except for in Niflheim, where the warmest it ever gets is forty below. I've slept outside through plenty of snowstorms and been totally fine. Bonus of being Summer Guy."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn," Lan Wangji says, this one an mn of understanding. He chooses to trust that Magnus knows himself and his own limitations, as much as he would like to briskly bundle him up and carry him into a warmer environment. "I will see to it that your window is repaired, if you ever do wish to come back inside."

[summerdude]

"Thank you," Magnus says, once more snuggling against Lan Wangji's side. "I will eventually, I think. I just need to give it a little time."

[lightbearinglord]

Time can, as Lan Wangji knows, do a considerable amount of work toward healing. He understands that, too. He nods, and resettles his arm around Magnus. He's content to sit here as long as Magnus would like.