(Almost) Everything Is Comin' Up Chase [closed post]

[summerdude]

Magnus, triumphant, has finally managed to make some old bamboo sprout. With Drosera fed recently enough that she's not complaining of hunger and resting in her new favorite perch (lounging on his shoulder tucked right against his neck, her beak tangled in hair that is once again getting long), he sneaks it into the Mansion, hides it in a large gift-bag a closet gives him, and hangs it on Claudius and Galahad's doorknob with a quickly-jotted note that reads Claudius, What next? - MAGNUS CHASE.

Then, since he's already inside, he figures, why not wander around until he finds someone to talk to?

Comments

[onthewillowsthere]

"What?"

[summerdude]

"If Alex ever comes back here," Magnus starts, and then stops, horrified at himself. He presses his lips together in a firm little line and juts his chin forward, obstinately, forcing himself to continue on. "Remember how we were talking about charades? We could call out different animals from this and see if she knows all the old-timey words for them. Like, what would she turn into if you said 'camelopard?' Or, like, even manticore."

[onthewillowsthere]

"When Alex comes back, we should. I'd like to learn more games."

[summerdude]

A deep breath, which he releases slowly. Then, fixing a grin on his face, he says, "Yeah, totally. Maybe we can even let Shen Yuan teach us his version of charades, too."

[onthewillowsthere]

He nestles up a little more solidly against Magnus' shoulder. He's not as warm and comforting a presence as Magnus is, but he still has a weight to him.

[summerdude]

Sorry, Drosera! Magnus twists around and pulls Galahad into a tight hug, heedless of their scolding infant.

[onthewillowsthere]

She definitely shrieks bad mama!!!! as she's jostled, but Galahad hugs back just as tightly.

[summerdude]

After a few minutes, Magnus makes a face at himself and tells himself to draw back. But he doesn't. In a tiny voice, instead, he asks, "What if I never see him again?"

[onthewillowsthere]

Though he'd corrected if to when a moment ago, he has no actual way of knowing whether Alex will actually come again. It might have been the last time they'd ever seen him, that day with all the visitors -- Galahad had a sense of that even then, and it's why he'd wanted so much to draw Alex while he could. It's why he did so many portraits, to try and capture some part of Alex for Magnus to keep.

He holds onto Magnus, rubbing his fingers through Magnus' hair -- it's getting long again. He doesn't know how to answer. He doesn't want to lie. The thought of never seeing Percival again makes him feel as small and tremulous as Magnus' voice is, but it feels wrong to promise Magnus something that might not happen.

[summerdude]

Magnus clings to Galahad until Dro starts complaining in earnest, and so he pulls away with what's undeniably a sniffle. "I've been, like, trying not to dwell on it," he says, stroking Drosera apologetically. "But she was really upset when she left."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Why was she upset?"

[summerdude]

"I--" Magnus pauses, then makes another face. Gotta deal with it sometime, Chase! "Ultimately I think her feelings were -- I hurt them."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad waits, stroking Dro's soft back.

[summerdude]

"Like, we're fine, but," says Magnus, leaning back against Galahad, careful not to squash Drosera again. "I've been, like. Building a life here, you know?"

[onthewillowsthere]

He nods and settles in again.

[summerdude]

"Without her. Technically." Magnus doesn't bother mentioning that he's pretty sure Alex was also a little upset that he called Galahad his best friend, because Alex didn't say so out loud (he's just really good at reading her, after all these years) and he's also pretty sure that wasn't about Galahad at all, it was just something easier to latch onto than the rest of the situation.

[onthewillowsthere]

He tries to remember how it felt to be jealous, when he thought Claudius was sleeping with other people because he wasn't enough -- how it felt to think someone he cared about so much had to look elsewhere, and found it easy to do so, as if in being insufficient he had also become less important, and might lose Claudius' interest altogether. He imagines how it would feel if he were separated from Claudius, and then, when they were rejoined, to find Claudius had made new friends and a new life in in his absence. That wouldn't be the same, he thinks immediately, because Claudius needs people. It would be ridiculous to expect him to keep some long and silent vigil alone; he could never be happy like that. He would fade like a plant with no sunlight to feed its leaves.

But perhaps it's easy to know that in his heart, and harder to feel the truth of it if he were faced with Claudius, happy without him. Easy to want Claudius to find that happiness, and hard not to feel replaced. Alex doesn't know how much Magnus talks about her, or how dreamy his voice gets when he's remembering some amazing thing she did or how she looked, or the way he tried to describe her so Galahad could draw her picture. Like a beautiful poison dart frog. It would be easy to be hurt, and not know how much Magnus misses her.

[summerdude]

"She hates that I've decided to stay," quietly. "Even though she understands my reasons."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad has also probably thought about this exact subject more than the average person -- that, the merit of sacrificing oneself for the world. Magnus staying here is to protect his home, and all the people he loves there. It's a choice that Galahad has always considered simple; but then, he's never thought about the people on the other side of that choice before. There haven't been people on the other side, except Percival, who knew and understood what he meant to do.

Now -- he thinks he can understand Alex. Perhaps not agree, but understand. He nods. "Even if it's the right thing to do, she might lose you."

[summerdude]

Magnus nods. "Neither of us wanted to break up, at least, I guess," he says, with a heavy sigh.

[onthewillowsthere]

"Is break up when you aren't lovers anymore?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah, it's when you decide to end the relationship."

[onthewillowsthere]

"But you're still apart."

[summerdude]

"Yeah." The huff of laughter Magnus gives at that is pretty wet-sounding. "Worlds flipping apart."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad pulls him into a fresh hug, squeezing him tight.