I Lived, Grinch! [open post]

[summerdude]

The first thing Magnus does -- with Alex's help -- after fully healing is board up the hole in the side of the greenhouse where the cheetah ran through. The second thing, once he learns the full scope of Dark (it's different at camp; he'd already taken out a ton of camp-appropriate food for when Galahad and Laertes couldn't make it out there, and so he and Alex have been fine on the eating front) is go to the greenhouse again to figure out what plants in there yield edible produce. (Also, he tries to scrub his blood off the table. It... partially works?)

Partly it's that he's still feeling weird after the whole affair. The season doesn't help, but he does feel closer to his own mortality than pretty much any point since he died for real the first time. Being around growing plants helps that. Mostly, though, it's because he doesn't want anyone to get, like, scurvy living on bushels of rice alone.

He doesn't want to overtax any of the plants, but some can be cajoled into fruiting. Right now, he's got his hand on a kumquat tree, and he's trying to convince it that it can speed up the growth process by a few weeks. Drosera is with him, 'helping:' she's found a dead leaf, and she's chasing it down the pathway between some plants. If anyone shows up -- either because they've heard of his near-death experience and want to check in on him, or just to hang out, or even because they're drawn by the way it looks like sunlight is coming from the greenhouse itself -- he'll be glad for the company.

Comments

[summerdude]

Magnus shudders. "Oh yeah," he says. "I guess that does hit different these days."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." Quietly attentive, Lan Wangji dries Magnus' eyes for him again. This is another little thing that he can do for him in the absence of his mother, who would certainly do the same.

[summerdude]

"It's weird, you know? I know this place, like, changes people, but I didn't think that I'd change like this."

[lightbearinglord]

"Like what?" With that task finished, Lan Wangji only looks at Magnus, that softness lingering in his expression. He cups the side of his face in one hand before settling it at Magnus' shoulder.

[summerdude]

"So concerned with mortality, I guess," Magnus says, with a damp little half-laugh.

[lightbearinglord]

"This is not Valhalla." That may be obvious, but it seems as good an explanation as any. It is not the Cloud Recesses, either. They have both changed.

[summerdude]

"No," Magnus agrees. "It's more than that, though."

[lightbearinglord]

"What else is it?"

[summerdude]

Magnus hesitates for a moment, then says, "There are a lot of mortals here."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji, who is mortal, looks fleetingly down at himself. "There are," he says, careful about it.

[summerdude]

"I guess I had as many mortal friends back home as I do here," Magnus says. Hearth and Blitz, unless they're killed, will definitely live longer than Sam and Amir, but they won't live until Ragnarok, like Magnus and Alex and all their einherjar friends. "But, like, a lot more immortal ones. So the proportions are off."

[lightbearinglord]

The full brunt of what Magnus is saying takes little time to hit Lan Wangji. He's silent, because he can't think of what to say. Nothing will change that Magnus will, as long as he continues to avoid falling swords, almost certainly outlive him. Nothing will change that Magnus will certainly outlive Galahad. He frowns, helpless, and only nods.

[summerdude]

"And like, also, I get that it sucks for everyone but especially me that I almost died, but I can't stop thinking about how, like, no one else would have survived that. Unless I was still there, right next to them, and totally unhurt enough that I could start healing immediately. And even that wouldn't be a sure thing."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji could point out that there are others here who might have survived such a blow, but it would be useless. He understands what Magnus means. "It is unsettling," he agrees quietly, in a significant understatement.

[summerdude]

"Sometimes in Valhalla when einherjar can't hack the whole eternity thing, they fade out."

[lightbearinglord]

Distinct alarm flickers across Lan Wangji's face, predictably. "What does that mean?"

[summerdude]

"Like, if you close yourself off from the world and stop participating in it. You don't keep yourself busy, you fade out of existence. I think they return to Ginnungagap."

[lightbearinglord]

It sounds like the precise opposite of the ideal for immortals in Lan Wangji's experience. That is why he increasingly doubts his ability to cultivate to immortality -- the fact that he cannot release his attachment to or participation in the world. "I cannot imagine you fading."

[summerdude]

"No, me neither," Magnus sighs. "Especially since Alex is here now! But forever is a really long time."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn," Lan Wangji agrees. Forever is unfathomably long. He looks at Magnus with a little frown. "You need not face all of it now."

[summerdude]

"Yeah," Magnus agrees. "But I'm thinking about it. Did I ever tell you that the guy who killed my buddy TJ also went to Valhalla at the same time? Since they died killing each other? To become an einherji... it doesn't matter if you're a total shitstain or not, just that you died the right way. But because that guy was a total shitstain, he did end up fading after a couple of decades. Still over a hundred years before I got there."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji's general opinion of the Nordic afterlife and the workings of Valhalla remains miserably low. His frown remains in place as he digests this information. "That will not happen to you." For one thing, Magnus is not a total shitstain.

[summerdude]

"I'm not worried about fading," Magnus explains. "I'm worried about reaching a point where it seems like the best option. Isolation is, like, torture, Hanguang-jun."

[lightbearinglord]

The idea of Magnus in isolation is intolerable, like imagining some great fruiting tree withering for lack of sun and water. Lan Wangji can withstand significant aloneness himself, but it is far, far less to his tastes than he once believed it was; he only didn't know that he was lonely until he no longer was. He nods, tightening his grip on Magnus' shoulder. "I would promise to stay with you if I could."

[summerdude]

Magnus slumps, a little. The sentiment is nice to hear, even if he wishes Lan Wangji could stay. "Thanks, da--Hanguang-jun."