You Say Overkill, I Say Due Diligence [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus copies the sign onto seven different pieces of paper. It reads:

WANT TO LEARN NEW SKILLS? ME FREAKING TOO. I (Magnus Chase) Will Trade Lessons In Any Of The Following For Something You Know:

• ASL (Alf/American Sign Language)


• Camping (pitching tents, campfire safety, celestial navigation)


• What To Do If You Find Yourself Lost In The World Tree Yggdrasil


• Pickpocketing (But only if you promise to use it for good (stealing ONLY from dickhead rich people) and ONLY if you have to!)


• Swordfighting for Beginners (I am intermediate but Jack is advanced and he can help!)


• What It REALLY Feels Like To Die (NOT ADVICE!!!)


• (Trans)Gender Identity and Fluidity (from the perspective of a cis guy) (Alex-approved content only)


• What To Do If The God You're Talking To Is Super Obnoxious Particular


• Why Falafel is the Best Food in the World

All skills welcome! But if you know any of the following I am especially interested: Cooking, Geometry, How To Declare Your Love To Your Partner, Hand-to-Hand Combat, Balancing a Budget, Writing Poetry, Social Studies, Codebreaking.

(Sorry but I will not learn pottery from anyone but ♥Alex Fierro♥. I hope you understand.)

PS if there's enough interest we can maybe do full classes where everybody gets to take turns teaching and learning?

He adds a note about the areas where he can most frequently be found and then posts one sign in each of the two kitchens he's encountered, one by the welcome table, one on the door to the greenhouses, one in the library, one on his bedroom door, and one by what he believes to be the most-populated lounge. Then, with a great deal of eager anticipation, he goes about his day.


[A note from Magnus's typist: Open indefinitely!]

Comments

[summerdude]

"Oh, yeah, I guess?" Magnus doesn't actually know the provenance of the avocado, besides the fact that it grows on trees. "They're green, the flesh is. They're super tropical? And their texture is kind of firm banana-y? They're the main ingredient in guacamole, which is one of the best non-falafel foods out there."

[wickedwit]

Claudius fingerspells falafel, f-a-l-a-f-e-l, then smiles with the joy of a connection made. "That's right, you had made the offer to teach why falafel is the finest of foods. You must've been the inspiration for that meal. Ordinarily, I only sit down to eat when there's company and conversation, and there's no custom of that here -- I can go a long while without eating, and Galahad takes exception to it." He says this with fondness for Galahad, and no concern whatsoever for himself. "Once, after gardening together, we went back to the kitchen where I only intended to make instant coffee. When I told him so, he took a plate of falafel from the cold box and said," Claudius fingerspells falafel again, then signs eat. "I did rather enjoy it. And the yogurt sauce -- does that have a name?"

[summerdude]

"Galahad should take exception. Everyone's gotta eat, dude," Magnus says -- a little sternly; he has a vested interest in Galahad's happiness. "Was it, like, thick and spreadable, or did it have stuff in it?"

[wickedwit]

It would be the most spoiled thing a prince could say to someone once homeless, that he lost his interest in meals around the same time he gave up on feasts. When frantic with mania or dulled by depression, or in the even-humored stretches where he hasn't built the habit, the necessity of a food is a distance annoyance at best, nothing to look forward to the way he looks forward to breaking Galahad's fast or approving the results of his baking practice. Talking about the food, however, makes it interesting again, as he considers the question¹. "There were herbs. Dill, I think -- the leaves have a distinctive shape -- and mint. And a crisp, green vegetable, with a refreshing sort of flavor."

¹ He could stand to have a test taste with friends. No, shots with Crowley don't count.

[summerdude]

"Jajik," Magnus says, satisfied. "The vegetable is cucumber. It's really good, right?" He sighs a little, though, thinking back on everything else Claudius has said in the past few minutes. "I think communal meals are what I miss most about Valhalla. Battle Practice sucks, but after, every night, everyone sits down to a feast of Saehrimnir and mead, and Saehrimnir always tastes like exactly what you want it to taste like. There's a beef flank, and a pork flank, and a poultry flank, and a tofu and bean curd flank. I mean, sometime the feasts are a little, like, 'hey, can we get a little less cultural appropriation up in this afterlife, my guys!' and it sucks when you have to be the center of attention at one, but it's still nice to be in that kind of environment."

[wickedwit]

Claudius smiles, with sincere surprise to hear some of his own opinions reflected by Magnus. "All the traditions for feasts in Denmark must have roots in the same traditions as Valhalla's. Not, of course, that we still have mythical, self-rejuvenating beasts with multiple flanks ... but everything else sounds the same. We may even share the unfortunate amounts of cultural appropriation, depending on what that term means." It sounds like something Danish feasts would have in spades, at least from Claudius's perspective.

[summerdude]

"It's when you copy elements of another culture but do it in a way that erases their context and meaning and is ultimately somewhere between 'a little fucked up' and 'majorly fucked up,'" Magnus explains. "Kind of fetishizing? Kind of imperialistic slash colonialistic? Valhalla loves it, unfortunately. Tons of Luau Nights and stuff like that."

[wickedwit]

"Ah, I see. At Danish feasts, there tend be a lot of men who've only encountered other cultures through military campaigns, so they see everything in terms of conquest and spoils of war. Anything valuable somehow loses its history, and because some Dane stole it back when we were still pillaging monasteries, Denmark still claims it now. It's as true of traditions as it is of relics." He sighs. "I know it sounds like I'm complaining about the feasts. But really, I'm complaining about my family. It's the company that makes a meal."

[summerdude]

"Oh yeah, that sounds like cultural appropriation," Magnus nods. "I guess it makes sense that Danish feasts sound kinda like Viking feasts."

[wickedwit]

"I'd wager most of the traditions around drinking come from Viking feasts. All the pledge drinking -- I think it's the same as heitstrenging, without an animal sacrifice. To be a man of state, you need a second stomach for wine and liquor, because every oath is sworn by draining a flask of Rhenish, with kettle-drums and trumpets to sound out the pledge¹. But the queen, my sister-in-law --" Thus far, Claudius has been select in showing the layers of what Queen Gertrude means to him. There was a time, newly arrived, when he'd be reluctant to speak of her as anything but the queen he respected. If he spoke of her as his dear sister, he'd separate it from any feelings of longing, to the point that Laertes was surprised when Claudius spoke of his intention to marry her. If he spoke of the woman he loved, he'd never speak of her by name, except to Lan Wangji. That name was like a precious pearl, a union thrown in a cup to drink to better health, not to be tossed around carelessly. But Gertrude is in a play. And Claudius is sure his hopeless feelings for her are the in the play, too, because his story isn't much without it. "Gertrude had a way of making anyone feel welcome," he says. "That made the company at feasts more varied, the conversation more interesting and convivial, and the whole affair much more communal. At least for me. I used to be far less sociable."

[summerdude]

"I feel that," Magnus says emphatically. He wonders if Gertrude is Claudius's Percival — if she's a friend that Claudius felt more deeply for back home, but who he couldn't be with for some reason. God, or country, or duty, or prophecy, or whatever. He's glad that his friends could find each other here, if they both have someone off limits and/or unrequited back home. It does make him miss Alex more acutely, though — his person loves? likes him back, and obviously Magnus couldn't possibly be interested in anyone else, but he's just as separated from Alex as Galahad and maybe-Claudius are from their people. He offers: "Sometimes my boyfriend Alex skips the nightly thing in the Feast Hall of the Slain to chaperone our valkyrie — Sam and Alex have the same parent — with her betrothed, and it's always a little less fun without him there. More gritty and doom-y, you know." He pauses, thoughtful. "Alex doesn't bother trying to make other people feel welcome though. It's more that when he's there, everything is better. Easier to manage."

[wickedwit]

"I understand that feeling, too," Claudius admits with a soft, fond smile. "There are people whose presence reassures simply because of who they are."

[summerdude]

"Like Galahad," Magnus says, confidently, because same. "And Gertrude?"

[wickedwit]

"The both of them, yes. I would they could meet." Another admission, but it's very easy to admit things in front of Magnus's easy sympathy. Claudius wishes he could tell Gertrude a story about the beautiful boy he met and fell in love with -- but he can't ever return to his own world. His role in that story that ends in her death. Somehow it's safer to imagine Galahad and Gertrude meeting, unlikely as it is¹. "Galahad sets me at ease even when he himself is uneasy. We share something, a kindred feeling, so I could sit quietly with him in a raucous hall and feel reassured by him. When I was younger and clumsier in conversation, Gertrude would share such comfortable silences with me. She's perceptive, insightful, and she has that welcoming way about her. She'd see Galahad's virtues -- which you know are many -- and understand how to speak with him." And speaking with Galahad is a worthwhile, precious gift. Naturally Claudius would want it for someone he loves.

¹ This is a shameless use of the dramatic irony lever.

[summerdude]

"What, like it's hard?" Magnus asks; he's never had any difficulty talking to Galahad and can't really imagine why anyone would. He guesses Galahad can be a little quiet around other people, though? But Magnus also doesn't really go for crowds, so.

Wait. That was probably rude. He grins at Claudius, a little self-effacing, and gestures at all the plants around them. "By the way, can I help with any of this? Can you show me?"

And then he says, "It's nice when you know someone who gets it. Galahad definitely gets it, you know? There's this song I heard back home that goes, like..." He tries to remember the lyrics. It's not one that he loves, but it's one his mom used to play at least once a month. He hums for a moment, then sings, "'Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well I'm here with you.' That's, like, the ideal, right?"

[wickedwit]

"I really do need to listen to more of your world's music," Claudius muses out loud. "Whenever you quote from a ballad, it's something poignant and relevant¹." Waving aside that thought and giving Magnus a smile, he says, "I can show you a few things that need gardening, if you're willing. First, let's go look for a magnolia tree and get that cutting."

¹ For example, the poignant, relevant verses of 'No Scrubs.'

[summerdude]

"Oh, I'm willing!" Magnus hops easily to his feet and extends a hand to help Claudius up.

[wickedwit]

Claudius takes that hand with warm gratitude, and once up, will lead them away to the garden's magnolia tree for their first experiments in propagation.