I Lose All Sense Of Reason [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus is walking down the front steps of the Mansion, freshly-loaded bag of food in tow, ruminating on a few of his most recent and devastatingly embarrassing conversations, when he hears footsteps behind him.

Well. He did tell Galahad he'd ask everyone. Might as well start now. "Can you explain the birds and the bees -- I mean, sex -- to me?" he demands, even before he sees who it is.

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[summerdude]

So Magnus leads him into the woods. There's probably a best entrance for Little John, but ever since he and Gu Xiang got out of the cave, he went around trying to figure out the location of all the smaller entrances, and so as they walk, he points out one or two of the ones too small for him (much less Little John) to fit through.

[john_little_john]

"I hope they get bigger than that," Little John laughs, peering at a hole no bigger than a fist in the rock face. "I'm no rabbit, to wriggle into my burrow on my belly."

[summerdude]

Magnus laughs. "There's a front door, kind of," he says. "At least if you like climbing weird ladders through mostly-dead trees. And Gu Xiang made a back door that should definitely fit you."

[john_little_john]

"Weird ladders and mostly-dead trees are my specialty," says Little John. He thinks he spies just the tree Magnus means on the hillside ahead--a sprawling half-dead birch with a dark patch at the edge that suggests a hollow. "Did I tell thee, there was a winter when the sheriff was on the hunt for us, and Robin and I had to huddle up in a hollow tree for nigh a week to slip him? It was close quarters, that; we'd sleep on our feet like horses, holding each other up, and only steal away to piss. That was a fearful thing, too--burying our own piss so that it wouldn't stand out on the snow like a yellow standard."

[summerdude]

"That sounds really cozy, though, outside of the pee thing," Magnus says, consideringly, as he leads Little John up the very hill he'd noted. "I basically live on a branch of the World Tree Yggdrasil, so I guess you could say I'm better with living ones."

[john_little_john]

"Now, wait, thou canst not say thou livest on the World Tree Yggdrasil and not tell me what that is!" says Little John as he picks his way over the tumbled rock and fallen leaves.

[summerdude]

"It's a Norse mythology thing," Magnus explains. "It's this ash tree that's big as the entire universe and connects all of the Nine Worlds. The smallest branches are about as big around as the biggest redwoods in California -- um, that's in the United States; I think they're the biggest trees on Earth. About 25 feet wide? The bigger branches are closer to 150 feet wide. The trunk is so big my brain can't handle thinking about it. You can get to the branches from my room in Valhalla. I do also have an oak grove in the middle of my room there, too, because magic I guess? Which is good because Yggdrasil has a killer squirrel that will insult you to death if you climb it without permission. Which I have done, to get to other Worlds."

[john_little_john]

"Now that's a tree," says Little John feelingly. "Couldst hide from lawmen for a thousand lifetimes, in a tree like that. What's this about other worlds?"

[summerdude]

"There's nine of them," Magnus says, promptly. "Asgard is where the Aesir gods live, and is closest to the tree's canopy. The Aesir are the more warlike ones? The Vanir are the nature gods and they live in Vanaheim. Um, the heroic dead that Odin, the head honcho of the Aesir, claims? They go to Valhalla, which is mostly in Asgard but can touch the other worlds. The heroic dead that Freya, my aunt, claims go to Volkswagen---no. Sorry. Folkvanger. I always get that one wrong. Folkvanger is mostly in Vanaheim. Anyway, Alfheim is where the light elves live, and it sucks there. Talk about lawmen! Midgard is earth, where the humans live, and it's in the middle of the trunk. Giants are native to Jotunheim, dwarves come from Nidavellir -- that one is in the roots. Muspellheim is the world of fire, where the fire giants and demons live, and Niflheim is the world of ice and snow -- it's too cold even for me; I almost died there once -- and Helheim is the underworld where the dishonorable dead go."

[john_little_john]

"Little brother," says Little John levelly, leaning on the side of the great half-dead birch tree, "thou hast got to parcel out these things in smaller portions."

[summerdude]

"Oh." Magnus considers this. It's not something most people bother to tell him, so this is the first time he's really hearing it. "Sorry. Where did I lose you?"

[john_little_john]

"Not lost--one big tree, lots of branches, fire and ice and light elves. I followed thee well enough. But let me savor it a little! This grand World Tree must be as dull to thee as any old ash, but thou hast rushed me through nine courses without letting me get a mouthful of even one!" Little John laughs. "Thou art young, and immortal besides. Take thy time."

[summerdude]

"Okay," Magnus says, momentarily chagrined. "Well, when you've digested a little, I can tell you about Ratatosk and Nidhogg and the eagle."

[john_little_john]

"There we are." It's a bit of a step to the first foothold and handhold in the hollow of the tree, but Little John's legs are so long that he scarcely notices. From there, it's surprisingly easy to clamber down. The spikes, like most other things in the world, are set at intervals designed to be comfortable for a much shorter man. "What's Ratatosk?"

[summerdude]

"Ratatosk is the squirrel," Magnus says. He waits till Little John gets down the tree and clears the ladder before hopping lightly from the trunk to the cave below, landing easily on his feet -- it's not a high enough distance to bother him. "He's enormous, with claws like scimitars, and he can insult you to death. He has some kind of magic that lets his voice carry? Part of his job is to try and make sure people don't climb between Worlds on the tree. The rest of his job, I guess, is he wants to end the world, so even though Yggdrasil is his home he does his best to make it fall."

[john_little_john]

"Thou art a great strapping hero," says Little John teasingly. "Canst thou not slay one troublesome squirrel?"

[summerdude]

"His insults physically hurt," Magnus explains. "And also make it so that it feels like nothing good has ever existed or ever will exist again. But mostly he's not fated to die by my hand. So mostly I just run and hide."

[john_little_john]

"What's fate but another petty law?" Little John asks as he ducks to pass through the narrow cave struck through with shafts of light. "Needst not obey it."

[summerdude]

Magnus laughs. "I'd like to see you tell that to Odin."

[john_little_john]

"Well, so I shall, if he ever deigns to come here. Who's Odin?"

[summerdude]

"He's the All-Father. The main god. Wisdom, War, Death, Magic, Prophecy... I guess you could call him my boss, too, or captain, or whatever. He's in charge of Valhalla, and that's my afterlife."

[john_little_john]

"Well, I've told a bald-faced lie to the King of England himself; some pagan god can't be that much worse," laughs Little John. "Hoo, what's this? Thou'st got a tree under here?"

[summerdude]

"Oh, yeah, isn't it cool?" Magnus says, letting himself get distracted from fate and gods. He probably won't need to warn Little John to avoid getting into altercations with Odin or any of the others. Little John seems like a smart guy.

[john_little_john]

"Cool indeed, and getting colder--with all these holes in the walls, it'll be a chilly place to winter."

[summerdude]

"Nah, man, just past this lip back here and you'll be snug as a bug in a rug," Magnus says. He has a pretty good sense of the temperature of places. "There will be wind in the outer corridor, and maybe some snowfall over the tree, but the rest will be solid."