I Lose All Sense Of Reason [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus is walking down the front steps of the Mansion, freshly-loaded bag of food in tow, ruminating on a few of his most recent and devastatingly embarrassing conversations, when he hears footsteps behind him.

Well. He did tell Galahad he'd ask everyone. Might as well start now. "Can you explain the birds and the bees -- I mean, sex -- to me?" he demands, even before he sees who it is.

Comments

[recognizance]

"What?" horrified. "No."

[summerdude]

"Yep, you know what? Good call! Never mind. Thanks. Sorry, SecUnit," Magnus says, bobbing a half-curtsy, half-bow at it.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot is taken completely aback and so all he manages is, "Hello, Magnus."

[summerdude]

Oh hell no. Magnus had somehow managed to make himself forget that Lancelot existed for several blissful days. He doubles down. "Hi, fuckface!" A firm look. One might almost call it a glare. "I said what I said."

[socialjusticedragon]

"Why is it called the birds and the bees?" Temeraire says curiously. "Mating is a thing everyone does, not just birds and bees."

[summerdude]

"Figure of speech!" Magnus squints at Temeraire. He hadn't expected the dragon, but now he's curious. "How do dragons do it?"

[futaille]

Grantaire is momentarily taken aback. "Ah. Hello. Anything about it in particular?"

[summerdude]

"Everything," Magnus says, in tones of great woe.

[aflashbastard]

Crowley opens his mouth in confusion, then without a word, turns around and walks back into the Mansion.

[summerdude]

Magnus only catches Crowley's back. "Okay," he says. "Bye..."

[temnota]

Aleksander stared, wondering if he had finally lost his mind. "Why? No, never mind, I don't want to know. There must be someone else you can ask about this."

[summerdude]

"Dude, I don't even know who you are," Magnus says, squinting. He thought he knew everyone here!!

[new_inglewoodblues]

"I will tell thee everything, little god."

[summerdude]

"Oh, thank the gods." Ragnelle will absolutely know about sex. "I'm your humble student, Ragnelle."

[wwx_isdead]

Wei Wuxian stops in his tracks, but he recovers quickly, determined not to let his month of misery turn him into someone unrecognizable. He smiles, pleased to see Magnus and maybe even more pleased to have something to offer, and says, "Sure! I know plenty! What do you want to know about?"

[summerdude]

Oh, phew! Wei Wuxian probably already knows about Magnus's totally embarrassing question to Lan Wangji, which means he's probably much more equipped to handle the question than anyone else here. "How to not embarrass myself," he says, in dire tones. "Please, Wei Wuxian, I know jack shit."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet laughs, not nicely, although that's partially a side effect of the sheer surprise of the question. She doesn't even feel bad about it. "Sure, I can if you want. Is this a symptom of internet withdrawal or something?"

[summerdude]

"Oh, hey Janet! Um, sure. Let's go with that."

[wickedwit]

Claudius blinks. "If you like," he says. "Most of my diplomatic visits did involve it at some point. But I'd say be mindful of the reach of your ambitions, and learn from my mistakes. Balancing too many intimate favors and connections, without first building the requisite trust, can lead to no end of headaches and heartaches down the line. And take care, if you're in a foreign place and staying with noble hosts. Even if they're charming, and they've open minds and an open bed -- the situation makes it too difficult to extricate one's self. In fact, I don't recommend it at all. Everyone in a liaison should be meeting on an even field, so to speak; I suppose how literal that is depends on how public you are."

[summerdude]

Magnus stares at Claudius for a long moment, suddenly getting what Galahad meant by could. "Okay," he says. "That's very helpful, thank you. I'm in love with my girlfriend and if she ever comes back here I don't want to embarrass myself, so I think that's maybe a little, um. Less political, maybe?"

[john_little_john]

Little John raises both hands, laughing. "I'm not the one thou shouldst ask on that score, little brother."

[summerdude]

"Sorry! Boundaries," Magnus says, nodding seriously, and then explains: "I've been asking everyone."

[sagramore]

Sagramore is hitting this post only because he has important poetry business with Magnus (and a slightly oily paper bag full of kibbeh and a giant thermos with a blended lemon and mint drink in his day pack).

"Oh, probably."

[summerdude]

Sagramore to the rescue!!!! He might actually be helpful, maybe; Magnus knows he has certain relevant experiences (at least one trans partner in the past). "Hey dude," he says, with great relief, and then, by way of explanation: "Alex."

[mothwingofriverclan]

"I'm not the one to ask," Mothwing meows. "Medicine cats are forbidden to fall in love or have kits." She pauses. "Not that I'm forcing Galahad to adhere to that standard. I think it's pretty dumb, especially when it's not like he's going to have kits anyways."

[summerdude]

"Mothwing!!! Hey," Magnus says. He's pretty sure that, um, cat methods are probably pretty different from human or einherji ones. "Medicine cats can't fall in love?"