I Lose All Sense Of Reason [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus is walking down the front steps of the Mansion, freshly-loaded bag of food in tow, ruminating on a few of his most recent and devastatingly embarrassing conversations, when he hears footsteps behind him.

Well. He did tell Galahad he'd ask everyone. Might as well start now. "Can you explain the birds and the bees -- I mean, sex -- to me?" he demands, even before he sees who it is.

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[summerdude]

"What's welters?"

[sorrowandsorrow]

"It's a game," Janet says with a little sigh. It's fine. She gets that nobody else went to Brakebills. It's not Magnus' fault that she can't snap her fingers and turn him into Eliot or Josh or even fucking Quentin. "Like chess, but bigger and more dangerous, and you play with magic. And it's also sort of like capture the flag. They invented it to stop magic students from killing each other with duels."

[summerdude]

"Oh, awesome," Magnus says. Dangerous chess slash capture the flag that takes the place of killing people sounds like just the kind of exercise he's been looking for. Not Battle Practice, but not just making ample use of his new trampoline, either. "I only have alf seidr but I wanna play."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"I'll put you on the roster. Anything about your abilities I should know?" Janet's immediately taking this very seriously.

[summerdude]

"Summer, mostly," Magnus says. "I can generate light and heat and grow things. And heal people. And disarm everyone in a thirty-foot radius. Oh, and I can talk to animals, but that's not alf seidr, that's, um. A long story."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Fine. That's irrelevant to welters anyway." So with that, Janet dismisses it. Talking to animals isn't that exciting anyway. Anyone can do it, provided the animals already know how to talk. "It's supposed to be played with just Brakebills-trained magicians, so I'm having to make... a lot of tweaks."

[summerdude]

"Oh yeah," Magnus says, remembering bits and pieces of their first conversation. "Gotta find a way to get us, um, hedgewitches? In there."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Hedge witches, cultivators, half-demons... whatever." Janet laughs, a little resigned. "It might be a total clusterfuck."

[summerdude]

"Well, that can be fun, too!" Magnus says, brightly.

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet eyes him with a modicum of suspicion. He's kind of reminding her of Tress: too good to be real. Apparently she comes from a place populated by real assholes¹. "Yeah," she allows. "Maybe not for your first time, though." She grins.

¹Yeah, that's what happens when you were written by Lev Grossman, Your Majesty.

[summerdude]

"I mean, I think--" Magnus starts, and then he blinks. "Oh. I see what you did there."

[sorrowandsorrow]

The grin slides into a smirk. "We'll make a Casanova out of you yet."

[summerdude]

"Oh, I don't need all that," Magnus says, leaning into blitheness. "He was kind of, like, a stud, right? Definitely not for me."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet experiences a destabilizing urge to pat Magnus on the head. Nope! Abort mission! Obviously she very much doesn't do that. "Fine. We'll make a guy who has sex sometimes out of you yet."

[summerdude]

"Maybe twenty-five visitor's days from now," Magnus says, nodding solemnly. He's definitely being a little shit right now, actually, but Janet doesn't really have any way of knowing that for sure.

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Aw, give yourself some credit. Let's try for twenty-four."

[summerdude]

Magnus screws up his face, going for a look of extreme doubt. "Ehhhhh..."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet snorts out a laugh. "It's easier than putting together IKEA furniture."

[summerdude]

"I dunno about that," Magnus jokes. "There's an IKEA in Valhalla. Me and Alex have tons of practice with that."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Buddy, if you can assemble IKEA furniture together, sex is just the cherry on top." Of course there's an IKEA in Valhalla. How stupid.

[summerdude]

"The Valhalla IKEA also carries polearms," Magnus says, solemnly. "But they tend to fall apart with impact. Not very useful in life-or-death situations."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Sure, of course it does." Janet puts her hands on her hips. "Are there still meatballs? Special Valhalla meatballs, I guess?"

[summerdude]

"...you know, I haven't thought to check?" Magnus is frankly a little embarrassed by this!

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Well, shit. Now you have a checklist item if you ever go back."

[summerdude]

"Fat chance of that," Magnus laughs. "Let's just make up an answer and say that, in a twist of stupid fate, they probably don't."