I Lose All Sense Of Reason [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus is walking down the front steps of the Mansion, freshly-loaded bag of food in tow, ruminating on a few of his most recent and devastatingly embarrassing conversations, when he hears footsteps behind him.

Well. He did tell Galahad he'd ask everyone. Might as well start now. "Can you explain the birds and the bees -- I mean, sex -- to me?" he demands, even before he sees who it is.

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[summerdude]

"Summer, mostly," Magnus says. "I can generate light and heat and grow things. And heal people. And disarm everyone in a thirty-foot radius. Oh, and I can talk to animals, but that's not alf seidr, that's, um. A long story."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Fine. That's irrelevant to welters anyway." So with that, Janet dismisses it. Talking to animals isn't that exciting anyway. Anyone can do it, provided the animals already know how to talk. "It's supposed to be played with just Brakebills-trained magicians, so I'm having to make... a lot of tweaks."

[summerdude]

"Oh yeah," Magnus says, remembering bits and pieces of their first conversation. "Gotta find a way to get us, um, hedgewitches? In there."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Hedge witches, cultivators, half-demons... whatever." Janet laughs, a little resigned. "It might be a total clusterfuck."

[summerdude]

"Well, that can be fun, too!" Magnus says, brightly.

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet eyes him with a modicum of suspicion. He's kind of reminding her of Tress: too good to be real. Apparently she comes from a place populated by real assholes¹. "Yeah," she allows. "Maybe not for your first time, though." She grins.

¹Yeah, that's what happens when you were written by Lev Grossman, Your Majesty.

[summerdude]

"I mean, I think--" Magnus starts, and then he blinks. "Oh. I see what you did there."

[sorrowandsorrow]

The grin slides into a smirk. "We'll make a Casanova out of you yet."

[summerdude]

"Oh, I don't need all that," Magnus says, leaning into blitheness. "He was kind of, like, a stud, right? Definitely not for me."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet experiences a destabilizing urge to pat Magnus on the head. Nope! Abort mission! Obviously she very much doesn't do that. "Fine. We'll make a guy who has sex sometimes out of you yet."

[summerdude]

"Maybe twenty-five visitor's days from now," Magnus says, nodding solemnly. He's definitely being a little shit right now, actually, but Janet doesn't really have any way of knowing that for sure.

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Aw, give yourself some credit. Let's try for twenty-four."

[summerdude]

Magnus screws up his face, going for a look of extreme doubt. "Ehhhhh..."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet snorts out a laugh. "It's easier than putting together IKEA furniture."

[summerdude]

"I dunno about that," Magnus jokes. "There's an IKEA in Valhalla. Me and Alex have tons of practice with that."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Buddy, if you can assemble IKEA furniture together, sex is just the cherry on top." Of course there's an IKEA in Valhalla. How stupid.

[summerdude]

"The Valhalla IKEA also carries polearms," Magnus says, solemnly. "But they tend to fall apart with impact. Not very useful in life-or-death situations."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Sure, of course it does." Janet puts her hands on her hips. "Are there still meatballs? Special Valhalla meatballs, I guess?"

[summerdude]

"...you know, I haven't thought to check?" Magnus is frankly a little embarrassed by this!

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Well, shit. Now you have a checklist item if you ever go back."

[summerdude]

"Fat chance of that," Magnus laughs. "Let's just make up an answer and say that, in a twist of stupid fate, they probably don't."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet thinks about this with an affected air of contemplation. "I guess this is a new challenge for the fucked up magic fridges here. IKEA meatballs."

[summerdude]

"Making up for Valhalla's shortcomings by introducing them to everyone here?" Magnus asks. He actually has never had IKEA meatballs before, but that doesn't seem worth mentioning.

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Absolutely." Janet laughs under her breath. "I made Tress try Poptarts once. She's so polite, she didn't even make it obvious how much she hated them."

[summerdude]

"Hate Poptarts?" Magnus is horrified, actually. "What kind did you give her?"