If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[tallyyoungblood]

"Not anything, not if the bash has a dress code," Tally says. "Like, what if you showed up in formal at a casual party? But I get your point. A boy could totally wear a ballgown to a ball. But we're getting utterly off track."

[summerdude]

Magnus has never had that problem. The sorts of parties he gets invited to, you end up wearing either blood or chocolate. But Tally is right, he's gotten side-tracked. "Lesbians can and do date bisexuals," he says.

[tallyyoungblood]

"Really?" Tally feels like there's a hot air balloon in her chest. "Okay, bubbly. Thank you. I'm totally not used to Rusty gender and sexuality stuff."

[summerdude]

Magnus squints at Tally. "...what else do you want to know?"

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally fiddles with her hands nervously. "I mean, I guess I was just thinking about asking one of my friends if she wants to kiss me, and you said you were a relationship expert... any advice on how to bring it up?"

[summerdude]

Magnus is pretty sure Qi Yan doesn't self-identify as butch, even though he's kind of mentally categorized her in that way. He also gets the sense that she's not really looking. "Um, can I have more context?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"It's Gideon. You know, from the hand-chopping plan...?" Tally looks at him expectantly. "Um, I mean, which is probably not a go. But yeah. Also don't tell her, please."

[summerdude]

Oh, right. Gideon! "Obviously I'm not going to tell her that you have a crush on her, that's your business."

[tallyyoungblood]

"It's not entirely, like, a crush," Tally says. "I just want to kiss her." Obviously, those things are different. "It's much easier where I'm from, because everyone acts the same way. Here... I don't know."

[summerdude]

"Why do you want to kiss her if it's not a crush?"

[tallyyoungblood]

Ugh, this is so embarrassing, but Tally does nothing if not commit.

"It's to stay bubbly," she says. "I need to get my heart rate up to think straight, and kissing definitely helps that."

[summerdude]

"Oh, like the cold thing," Magnus nods. "But does kissing someone you're not interested in get your heart rate up?" He can't imagine it would have the same effect.

[tallyyoungblood]

"I'm impressed you remember the cold thing," Tally says. "I don't know... it's a risky activity. Maybe I shouldn't mess with our relationship like that?"

[summerdude]

Magnus is trying so, so hard to understand, but he's still extremely confused. "Why would kissing someone you don't even have feelings for be a risky activity? Is this butch lesbian trying to kill you?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"No, because it might ruin the friendship!" Tally exclaims.

[summerdude]

"Oh, so you want to put your friendship in jeopardy specifically to make your brain work right?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"Okay, yeah, maybe that's why I needed advice," Tally says, stung. "It is a bogus idea, isn't it." She feels unaccountably disappointed.

[summerdude]

"I mean, like, if it's the endorphins you need, couldn't you just, like. Masturbate?" Magnus tilts his head. "Unless you really are willing to lose the friendship."

[tallyyoungblood]

"I'm definitely not," Tally says. "I'm just going to climb more tall stuff instead."

[summerdude]

"Unless, of course, you did like her. In which case it might be worth asking her to kiss."

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally looks at him, her face red. "I guess it would," she says finally. The thought is nerve-jarring enough to help her remember David. He'd been ugly, too, but like Gideon, he'd paid attention to her and made her feel important. He'd had amazing survival skills like Gideon's, even in the face of... Tally. What she'd done.

Tally sits down heavily. "Love is bogus," she sighs.

[summerdude]

"Uh, chyeah, if by 'bogus' you mean kickass," Magnus says, even though it is bogus that Alex is worlds away from him. "Wanna tell me about it?"

[tallyyoungblood]

Her memories of David are bubbly in a totally not-fun way, but bubbly is bubbly.

"I dated this guy, and then everything went wrong," she says. "I basically stole him from my friend Shay, and then I accidentally got his town destroyed, and now he's gone and didn't rescue me from New Pretty Town." Tally's eyes well with tears. "It's all my fault and I can never make up for what I did to him. Maybe it's too dangerous for me to date anyone."

[summerdude]

Okay! That is a lot! Also, something about Tally on the verge of tears makes Magnus want to reach out and take care of her, even though he still doesn't really like her, which is weird. Okay, time to focus on her eyebrow again! Aiming for a thoroughly non-judgemental and neutral tone, he says, "Okay, so can you break that down for me a little further? How did you steal him from Shay? How did you 'accidentally' get his town destroyed?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"Shay totally had her eye on David before I came to the Smoke," Tally says. "But he asked me out instead. He gave me these gloves..." Tally realizes she's totally blubbering. "I'm sorry. I'm so sense-missing. Um... I kind of ran away from home before I got my operation to try and go find my friend Shay, and I found her, but the reason I went is because the authorities back home made me do it or they wouldn't turn me pretty, and they put a tracker on me. I got to the Smoke--the place people go when they run away--and I ended up actually liking it there. I tried to destroy the tracker, but I set it off instead." The memory is painful. "The Smoke was destroyed because of me. David's home."