If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[summerdude]

Magnus glances up at Claudius. He doesn't like sharing other people's business, especially when he learns it through magical means, but -- "You know how I see memories when I heal people?"

[wickedwit]

“Yes, you mentioned it before taking care of my arm.” When his head was full of thoughts of kissing Galahad.

[summerdude]

"I have a policy of not telling anyone's memories to anyone else unless it's, like, a matter of life or death," Magnus says. "And this isn't life or death. But I did heal Lancelot that same day. And I guess... talking in generalities is okay."

[wickedwit]

Claudius was already serious, but his expression shifts even moreso. "Speak in generalities, then. Or speak on thine own feelings, and share only what context thou must. It may be my current project, but Lancelot's feelings hardly matter to me as much as thine." Now if you asked Claudius if he wanted to hear every memory glimpsed by Magnus in the greatest detail, he'd say yes, of course. He wants to hear -- and to know -- everything. But Magnus's feelings on that matter more, too.

[summerdude]

"Galahad told me that Camelot is, like, an attack-first, ask-questions-later kind of place," Magnus says, slowly, working through his thoughts as he talks. "So is Valhalla. And, like -- I know Lancelot has been, like, hurt. But I still think that's not an excuse, you know? Like, you can make the choice to break the cycle. It just reeks of a flimsy excuse. And, like... I read some stories about him, when I was a kid. He's pretty much a Bad News Bear for Camelot. And, like, I knew about the queen. I asked him about the queen when I first met him, before I knew about what a dick he was. He was totally sexist about the queen. It was not a good look. I guess he might be shy," he allows, "But that doesn't give you a, like, permission slip for being a dick, you know?" Then a smile breaks out over his face. "But dude, Galahad wiping the floor with him... that was an awesome memory to see."

[wickedwit]

“What I would give to see that." Claudius still savors the thought of Lancelot losing a fight and facing his rightful comeuppance, even as he reminds himself Galahad had no choice. Galahad had no choice but to defend himself, to act as a weapon of God, and what he chooses now is peace. But even so. "Elsinore isn't Camelot …but in many ways it wishes it was. It wishes it was Valhalla. For all the court is nominally Catholic, it’s still enamored with Denmark’s Viking history, full of soft courtiers who adore tales of violence. But we paper it over with propriety and ceremony. Everyone loves to go on about how King Hamlet defeated King Fortinbras in single combat, but first they preface it was a sealed compact, ratified by law and heraldry¹, as though that makes all the difference. You see, when you kill a king in public, it's a heroic military feat. Only when you do it in private does it count as regicide. Not, of course, that I'm excusing myself — or excluding myself from the ranks of soft courtiers. I’ve the same weakness for righteous violence as the rest of them. I told Lancelot when we met: I wasn't comforted by piteous excuses, only pleased to know he'd been made to regret his actions immediately, and would regret ever trying it again. I was under the influence of a truth spell, as you'll recall," he adds rather dryly, "or I may've kept that to myself. But perhaps the only way I'll ever tolerate the man is if we have a tourney and I can see being him beaten multiple times.”

Claudius could and likely should say more about how the court used propriety to paper over the violence of his own childhood, since that’s the thing that influences him the most and drives so many of his instincts. But he doesn’t.

¹ Sorry, Horatio, Claudius isn't deliberately shading you. (He also probably doesn't know who you are.)

[summerdude]

"Crossing my fingers," Magnus says, suiting action to word. "Hell, I might even pick up the old sword again even though I'm no longer Fighting Guy, if there was a formalized way to kick his ass just once."

[wickedwit]

"You can wear my colors. I'll choose some colors, just so you can wear them -- Galahad and I have already have half a coat of arms planned." His fingers flicker through the combined signs of their names, flower and dragon. Smiling, he says, "The whole puzzle of in-laws aside, I do have happy news in that regard."

[summerdude]

It is only by the grace of Magnus's einherji reflexes that his guava Jarritos doesn't end up on the floor after he drops it in shock. "Wait," he says, clutching the neck of his bottle barely a few inches off the ground. "Wait. Claudius?????!"

[wickedwit]

"I'm waiting," he says with affected innocence.

[summerdude]

"Claudius?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?????!"

[wickedwit]

“Oh, I suppose this might not be common knowledge in your time,” Claudius says, blithely aware he’s burying the lede. “When two houses are united through marriage, they impale their heraldry — that means they combine their coats of arms. But I’m no longer a prince of Denmark, and Galahad is no longer a knight of Britain, so we’ll be creating something new between us. Like in every other stage of our courtship. The wedding will also take some invention, and it may be a long betrothal … but the proposal was all by Galahad’s initiative. He wrote me a love letter.” He flashes the opal ring on his fourth finger. “And he gave me this.”

[summerdude]

Obviously Magnus knew about individual pieces of all of this -- the letter, for example, and Galahad's quest for a perfect romantic gift, but they hadn't caught up on the specific outcome of all of that yet. (Magnus spares a quick second of regret for being so grumpy about missing Alex lately.) "Yeah," he tells Claudius, excitement oozing out of every single one of his pores. "I have a lot of feelings about the impaling of heraldry. I think it's so important. Definitely the most important thing you've said to me today."

[wickedwit]

"Consider it part of your education in European diplomacy."

[summerdude]

"Claudius!!"

[wickedwit]

“The announcements will, of course, all need the appropriate seals.” He idly turns his other ring, the signet ring, but not from nervousness. He’s rather enjoying himself, and Magnus’s reaction. “But conferences with close friends come before announcements. I expect to follow Lady Post’s advice — if you’ve never read her, I think you’d like her. She writes rather frankly on the importance of a group of friends to sound out potential suitors, the way you sounded me on our first meeting. It’s more important than the approval of a father, I think. And while it’s the mother-of-the-bride who’s entrusted with spreading good news, I fully expect we’ll be handing that duty to you.” Right now, in fact, Claudius is handing Magnus that duty. It’s all practically decided on. There will be seals.

[summerdude]

Magnus, who is the mother of one groom's child, nods; this seems like a totally reasonable extrapolation. "You sure can't give that duty to Lancelot," he says, earnestly and a little grimly. He doesn't really know who Lady Post is, just that Galahad talks about her sometimes, but he can read between the lines, especially when something is clearly stated outright. "And obviously I'll wait till you're done with your, um, conferences. Is this a conference?" He thought they involved, like, board rooms.

[wickedwit]

"We're discussing matters of importance in the privacy of the parlor," gesturing with his Jarritos bottle, "with refreshments. If anyone inveigles you into conferencing without refreshments, I suggest the cut direct. It depends on the time of day, perhaps, and on what matters are under discussion ... but in general it shows a woeful lack of consideration."

[summerdude]

"If there's one thing the Norse are good at, it's making sure there's a feast during all discussions," Magnus says, thoughtfully. "Except like, 60% of the time, some jotunn will eat everything and not leave anything behind for any hungry einherjar."

[wickedwit]

"Jotunn," Claudius says with a sigh, as though he understands the type. He doesn't. With a little creative imagination, he thinks he could, but he really doesn't.

[summerdude]

"Yeah, they're masters of illusion magic and trickery. Never let a jotunn tell you they're going to 'share' a meal with you. You'll get, like, crumbs."

[wickedwit]

"Mn," Claudius says, as he considers whether he does know the type. "Would you describe a jotunn as a scrub?"

[summerdude]

"It depends on the jotunn, I think. Utgard-Loki has scrublike tendencies but sometimes he's okay? Thrym was definitely a scrub. So was Thrynga. Skadi definitely isn't a scrub. I don't know about Gerd; I've never met her. Surt... Surt is just scary." There's obviously hundreds more, but this seems like a pretty good assortment to start with.

[wickedwit]

“I see. So a decent proportion of scrubs, with powers that would tend to underscore one’s scrublike tendencies. A guy who thinks he’s fly is even more unbearable when he’s a master of illusions and trickery, and swindling someone of their share of a meal is his idea of a clever jape.”

[summerdude]

"You can say that again," Magnus laughs. "It's all, 'you're under my protection by rule of guest rights!' until you realize they're going to deliberately misinterpret everything you say in a way that will let them try to kill you anyway."