New Plan, Step One: Provide For My Community [open]

[summerdude]

Magnus needs something to change, so when a Mansion calendar helpfully informs him that it's International Falafel Day back on Earth, he goes to the library for some cookbooks, and then to the kitchen.

He lays out ten different falafel recipes. He gathers the ingredients they list, as best as he can understand them. He has canned chickpeas and fresh chickpeas and dried chickpeas and chickpea flour and box mixes of falafel that say 'just add water!'

Cripes.

"I can do this," he says, peering at the assorted recipes intently for a good ten minutes, and then takes the dried chickpeas over to the sink to rinse and soak.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

If Lan Wangji is beginning to flag, he certainly will not show that to Magnus. And he, too, is curious whether there is a reason that Galahad received those nightmares. He asks.

"He doesn't know for certain. Broadly, she wants to sow misery. Shen Yuan suspects she wanted the blame to fall on Luo Binghe." A memory comes to him, almost certainly a real one: Claudius asking about the nightmares, understandably ready to name Luo Binghe the culprit; Lan Wangji's hesitation, for all the hatred and mistrust he feels toward Luo Binghe, and his fear of the power of a false accusation.

[summerdude]

"That's so stupid. Even Loki had a reason, as dumb and horrible as it was."

[lightbearinglord]

"It is stupid." He lets his hands rest at the edge of the qin, between the strings and himself. "I fear this can end only in her death."

[summerdude]

"Yeah," Magnus agrees, grimly. "A prison cave with dripping snake venom doesn't seem like it would do much, with her powers."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." For far from the first time, Lan Wangji is grateful for the reading he did about the Norse pantheon. He lets a beat of silence stand, then asks again, gently, "Are you finished?"

[summerdude]

Lan Wangji looks really tired, and Magnus doesn't have any specific questions left. He just wants to keep talking to Shen Yuan, but he wants to talk to him the way they usually do: bickering and teasing each other, possibly over a video game. "No further questions, your honor."

[lightbearinglord]

It is with some muted relief that Lan Wangji begins to pack up his qin again, although the fact of that relief comes with an additional pang of guilt. He sits with the white-wrapped instrument across his lap for a moment, and then sets it aside so that he can turn to Magnus. He isn't certain where to begin, or if he even should begin. Something is hurting Magnus; is it him, or the mere fact of Shen Yuan's death, or the fear of what Aornis may do, or all of it at once? Because he is uncertain, he says nothing.

[summerdude]

A cool breeze ruffles through Magnus's hair, almost like a caress. Almost like all the times Shen Yuan would ruffle his hair in the middle of a game. This fortifies Magnus. Staring straight ahead, he says, carefully, "When you said you forgot to ask if he had a message for me, I thought you meant you didn't ask about messages for anyone."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji stays silent, expressionless through the slow sinking feeling. He tries, as much as he can, to be honest with Magnus. It is a privilege of this place, of the circumstances that brought them together. This is not like bringing Wen Yuan back from the Burial Mounds and cloaking him in Lan white to keep him safe from his own identity.

He has to fight for the words, and so he speaks slowly. "Those questions were from Claudius. I would not have thought of them myself." It sounds flimsy as he says it. "This technique, Inquiry... it is rare to play more than a few questions. I had not considered disseminating personal messages." Yet another hesitation -- logically, once Claudius asked for two, perhaps he should have thought to ask for more. He has reasons, but they feel like pale imitations of true excuses. "When I played this with Claudius, I was--" His hands, folded neatly in his lap, tighten on one another. "I was overwhelmed." That word seemed to work to express his distress to Claudius. It might work for Magnus, too.

[summerdude]

Magnus looks over at him. "Overwhelmed?"

[lightbearinglord]

He is looking back at Magnus, all his features very still, as composed as he knows how to make himself. "I told you that I must have tried to contact Shen Yuan several times and then forgotten, because I spoke that name aloud before I knew I should not. I am missing pieces of every day since his death." He finds that he has to stop there.

[summerdude]

Magnus watches Lan Wangji for a long moment, taking in his stillness. Hanguang-jun is always fairly still, even when he's in motion, but this is on another level. "And you really hate that," he surmises.

[lightbearinglord]

"Yes." Lan Wangji shuts his eyes, just for the time it takes to breathe once. "I am sorry," he says again, as he reopens them and trains his gaze on Magnus' face again.

[summerdude]

"I understand," Magnus says, because he does. "I'm still really hurt neither of you thought to ask," he adds, because he is. Then, careful to avoid the qin, he flings himself in the direction of Lan Wangji's arms.

[lightbearinglord]

As surprised as he is, it is nearly instinctive for Lan Wangji to open his arms and catch Magnus, pulling him half onto his lap with the force of the subsequent embrace. He closes his eyes again, holding on as tightly as he can. Pressed this close, Magnus may well be able to feel how fast his heart is beating, a rhythm that is usually much, much slower.

[summerdude]

Magnus's heart is beating nearly as quickly. He buries his face in Hanguang-jun's shoulder. He doesn't know if he's going to cry or not, but his face feels hot, so this feels like a safe move.

[lightbearinglord]

This is so much easier, so much safer and so much more familiar than trying to claw his way through all the words that never want to emerge. As he often does, Lan Wangji cradles the back of Magnus' head with one hand, tucking his face in place against the shoulder Magnus has chosen.

[summerdude]

On the one hand, Magnus is used to being disappointed by father figures who he loves. On the other hand, Hanguang-jun isn't his dad, no matter how much (in Magnus's heart of hearts) he fills that role now. Usually he's much, much better than Magnus's dad. In particular, he's proven, time and again, to be reliable. Maybe this is why it stung so much, to learn he hadn't thought to ask about Magnus.

But he's reliable. He's made up for the slight. As hurt as Magnus's feelings are, he can't deny that Hanguang-jun immediately went above and beyond when he realized that Magnus might want a message, too. Shouldn't that matter more than the thought not occurring to him in the first place? Why does Magnus still feel hurt? "Thank you for playing it again," Magnus mumbles, muffled partly by Hanguang-jun's robes. "I know you don't like him." He means: he's glad that, additional useful questions aside, Hanguang-jun's care for Magnus outweighs his distaste for Shen Yuan.

[lightbearinglord]

"You're welcome," Lan Wangji says quietly. He strokes Magnus' hair, just a few times, smoothing whatever dishevelment it took on during the impact of this hug. He doesn't like Shen Yuan, that is true, although he has begun inexorably to see a fuller, less off-putting picture of him during these two sessions of Inquiry. But there is almost nothing he would not do for Magnus.

[summerdude]

"Is it because he defended Luo Binghe?"

[lightbearinglord]

There is another careful silence, this time the silence of Lan Wangji gathering himself to tell this particular story. In some ways, it is more difficult to tell than the one he told Claudius at the end of winter. It is more recent; it is fresh, and none of its hurts have been redressed. Luo Binghe shares a house with them. There is no escaping him.

"I have told you that Claudius came to me when he was in pain. He could hardly bear it." He thinks he will never forget the painstaking care with which Claudius tried to hold himself upright or with which he tried to ask casually for a moment of Lan Wangji's time as if his request was for a passing whim. He knows he will never forget the guttural growl of pain that took him over despite his efforts. "At that time, Shen Yuan still went by the name Shen Qingqiu. He presented himself as an immortal cultivator. Because Claudius' ailment was unfamiliar to me and because I could not stop the pain, I took Claudius to Shen Yuan to ask for his help."

That is something else that rankles now: the way he bowed to Shen Yuan, low and respectful, afraid for his new friend and hopeful that they would find their answers. They did find them, but they found none of the wisdom and kindness they were seeking. "He spoke to Claudius as if his life meant nothing. He deflected. He told Claudius to swallow his pride and beg for mercy."

[summerdude]

Magnus frowns. That doesn't sound like Shen Yuan. "Was that, like, right after he got here?" he guesses, after a moment.

[lightbearinglord]

"It was not long after. Previously, he had brought Galahad to me, asking for my help with and opinion about his memory loss." With that additional detail, Lan Wangji hopes that what he means is clear. He had thought Shen Qingqiu to be kind, learned, and inclined toward helping others. It was a bitter disappointment to swallow, knowing that he had brought Claudius to someone who seemed, at most, academically interested in the matter of whether he lived or died.

[summerdude]

"So you were fine at first," Magnus says, frowning. He sits back. "I wonder if he knew anything about Luo Binghe besides, like, the book stuff at that point."

[lightbearinglord]

He lets Magnus go, for now. "Luo Binghe was his former disciple." Lan Wangji remembers that well, because he remembers asking Shen Qingqiu to use his authority over Luo Binghe to compel Claudius' freedom from pain.