If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[timebethine]

"I think I remind him of Elsinore," says Laertes, a little more softly. "It was not a place that rewarded honesty; to make disengagement easy was a kindness he learned to cultivate."

[summerdude]

"Have you told him you don't like that? Like, I mean -- how do you tell him to speak plainly?"

[timebethine]

"Oh! I meant not to ask for advice on him," says Laertes, raising his hand a little in a quelling motion. "Only to commiserate--we've resolved that difference, and he speaks to me now as plainly as I should wish."

[summerdude]

"Oh." Magnus flushes. "Of course, yeah. Good!"

[timebethine]

Laertes inhales. Unconsciously, he moves into the rhythm of breath that he uses for meditation. "I suppose ... what I mean to ask is how I might be a good husband, when my husband cannot bear himself. How I might lead him to see himself with as much joy and adoration as I do."

[summerdude]

"Oh," Magnus says, and then "Oh. Sagramore has depression?"

[timebethine]

Laertes dips his head. "I know not what to do," he says. "For although his temperament is as sanguine as they come, there lies beneath it a deep, black melancholy, thick as pitch."

[summerdude]

Magnus says, "They've disproven the humors, you know? I think depression is about, like, serotonin actually."

[timebethine]

"Ay, Claudius has spoken to me of the new humors," says Laertes. "The mechanism of it, the chemistry of the body, is as yet beyond my ability to grasp. But I need not grasp it to stand beside him when he hates himself, and offer succor. I need only know what kind of succor would be most needful, for a husband."

[summerdude]

"What's 'succor?'" Magnus is picturing, like, depression meals.

[timebethine]

Laertes sits back, glancing up at the ceiling as though the answer will be written there. "It's care," he says at last. "The kind of care that eases hurts."

[summerdude]

"I'm pretty sure the best care for depression is, like, therapy," Magnus says thoughtfully. "In which case you might want to talk to the new guy. He mentioned his school had daily group therapy, so he might know more than I do." Magnus might be an expert in relationships, but the closest he's ever come to being in therapy was his middle school counselor back when he was getting written up all the time. Anyway, part of expertise is knowing when to defer to someone else's knowledge. "But as for caring for someone who has, like, struggles? I think maybe one of the bigger, less obvious things, is that you have to take care of yourself."

[timebethine]

Laertes turns to face Magnus, head tilted slightly in puzzlement. It is, he thinks, possibly the first time anyone has ever told him to take care of himself. "I'm not sure I understand."

[summerdude]

"Which part?"

[timebethine]

"Why I should turn from my husband, when he ails, and instead devote my efforts to myself, who is still hale."

[summerdude]

"I'm not saying to ignore him, I'm saying -- you know that dude with the rock? And the gods were, predictably, mad because he was rude to him, and not because of his actual atrocities?"

[timebethine]

"Thou wilt have to be more specific. Rocks and gods are of about equal antiquity in human memory; they oft appear together."

[summerdude]

"He had to push it up a hill?"

[timebethine]

"Sisyphus," says Laertes immediately. "Condemned always to have his work undone, his stone returned to the mountain's foot, and thence to return to the task anew with each new day."

[summerdude]

"Yeah, that guy!" Magnus snaps his fingers. "My cousin's boyfriend met him once. Total asshole IRL, apparently. Which I guess you could have guessed, from all the atrocities. But my point is -- it's not that the work would be undone, it's just that you never know when that rock is going to roll back, with depression. It comes in episodes. And no matter how much you love someone, if you wrap all of yourself up into trying to make them get better, or keeping, like, vigilant for their suffering so that you can immediately swoop in and try to improve their situation... you're going to get frustrated when it doesn't work, or doesn't follow a predictable path. Even if you're committed to not getting frustrated. Because you're also going to get burnt out. And that doesn't serve either of you, you know?"

[timebethine]

Laertes lays his hands over his knees and curls his fingers to fit. Before Wanderers Gather, he would have said that he didn't know what Magnus meant by burnt out--but now he knows it all too well, that feeling of being a candle at the end of its wick. The way even things that brought him joy and purpose became dull and grinding, by the end. He imagines what it would be like to feel that about Sagramore, and he really understands for the first time what Sagramore fears about people who care for him.

His love for Sagramore is infinite and ever-replenishing. His ability to care for Sagramore is not.

"I understand," says Laertes slowly. "How ... how might I keep my candle burning, and yet not burn it out?"

[summerdude]

Magnus -- who has been drawing this particular advice from Hearthstone and Blitzen's relationship more than his own, since Hearth has these really intense grief spells -- tries to think of useful advice. "Well, for one, you can't be everything for him," he says, after a moment. "Like, I know you guys are, like, polyamorous or whatever." He might not get it, but he does respect it! "So I wanna be clear that that's not what I mean. If you're therapist for your partner... I'm pretty sure that's a fast-track to resentment. On both ends. You have to make time for yourself, and take care of yourself, and both set and respect boundaries. Instead of, like, tilting at windmills and trying to defeat his bad feelings when he has them, you should get comfortable with making space for them, a little? He's gonna have them no matter what you do. When he's in a good place, ask him for specific things you both are interested in you doing to help, and do those. Talk about the boundaries you're both establishing. I don't know, he might like hearing that you're thinking concretely about this and have a plan to help you both with the bad spells. Maybe he has other friends he can talk to about the stuff that you're not covering, if you're both willing to set up that kind of structure."

[timebethine]

Laertes nods, trying to commit all of it to memory. Make time for yourself. Make space for Sagramore's feelings. Talk about boundaries. Make a plan. Bring in other friends. "Sagramore and I ... are not well suited to structure," Laertes admits. "We do better at striving in all directions at once."

[summerdude]

"Oh, you mean like ADHD?"

[timebethine]

"Like what?"