If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[sporesprouter]

Tress pops her head in near the start of office hours and smiles a little bit. "Hi, Magnus. I'm pretty sure I can't need relationship advice, but I think it's a good idea and I'm glad you're offering it to people."

[summerdude]

"Tress!" It's been a while -- since his birthday party, probably? -- and he's happy to see her. He gestures for her to come in. "Hey! Have you noticed how, um, new some of the people here are to being in a relationship, too?"

[sporesprouter]

She steps in and takes a seat. "It makes sense, really. A lot of people thrown in from all over the place, of course they'll start forming new relationships."

[summerdude]

"Oh, for sure," says Magnus, nodding. He's not actually interested gossiping about his friends, so he just leans back against the couch and says, "I've spent so long being, like, 'I'm super new to dating! I'm the baby boyfriend of the friend group!' because me and Alex have only been together for, like, just under seven years and our friends Mallory and Halfborn have been dating for like fifty years, and our friends Hearth and Blitz have been dating for over a decade, and even Sam has been engaged to Amir since before me and Alex even knew each other, that it was kind of weird to realize how new so many of the relationships here are, though?"

[sagramore]

Sagramore is bothering Magnus not so much because he thinks he needs the advice, as because it's been a minute since they last talked, and he has a daughter to show off.

Szarka is still really too young for anything but the most rudimentary of leash training, and she still doesn't have a collar that said leash could clip to, so he's been alternating between letting her follow him and carrying her around. In the three days they've had her she's already fully absorbed Sagramore and Laertes as her packmates, and her preference is for both of them to be with her, but she endures when it's only one or the other. She is enduring now.

More specifically, she's trying to herd Sagramore through the door he's already chosen to enter, jumping at his heels to encourage him forward.

"Good morning," he tells Magnus cheerfully. "You're providing a new service?"

[summerdude]

"The doctor is in," Magnus confirms, though he's pretty sure that of all the people here, Sagramore probably needs his advice the least (adult-shaped adult that he is). "What's up, dude, how have you -- oh my gods who is that?! Hi precious, I'm Magnus, who are you?"

[sagramore]

"This is Szarka, she's learning to come to heel."

She has begun to make that connection, and she tells Magnus ecstatically that she is indeed Szarka and Szarka means her.

[wickedwit]

As it turns out, Claudius could use feedback on a relationship matter, one that also concerns Magnus. It's a bit of a shame -- he and Magnus truly never got to do their worst to Lancelot. By the time they declared their mutual enmity, they'd already compromised on just-in case plans and contingencies. Wise as it was for Galahad to intervene between matters escalated, Claudius almost wishes he hadn't, so that one of their contingencies could activate. Instead, Claudius had to negotiate a ceasefire before a single proper battle.

Claudius considers bringing a bottle of wine, but he's never seen Magnus drink¹. He has seen Galahad save a bag of cool ranch doritos for Magnus for months, so he brings one of those from the pantry, and a six-pack of bottled drinka produced from the fridge. The drinks are vividly colored, like the most concentrated of tonics, and labeled Jarritos.

"Magnus," he says, setting his offerings down on the table upon entering the parlor. "It's a pleasure, as always. How have you been?"

¹ To be clear, Claudius has no reservations about giving wine to someone in the body of a teenage boy -- he just doesn't know whether said teenage boy prefers whites or reds.

[summerdude]

"Holy crap, Jarritos," Magnus says, immediately leaning forward to grab a bottle of guava and then grinning up at Claudius. "I'm good, dude. How are you? How's the--" he lowers his voice to a stage whisper for the next two words. "Bamboo propagation coming along?" He's been increasingly eager to start growing Lan Wangji his little grove since he delivered his successful attempt to get old bamboo to sprout again to Claudius and Galahad's room.

[wickedwit]

"Oh, magnificently," Claudius says with smiling pride, plucking up a bottle of bright mango and taking a seat on the corner of the table. "Bamboo propagates with remarkable speed, compared to the slower-growing magnolia. I've sections of your sample sprouting roots already, and if they continue to grow, I may section off more. It's quite the elegantly constructed plant, when you look at it. Each stalk is a climbing series of nodes and internodes, and each nodal joint is a site of potential growth. Wherever did you find it?"

[lightbearinglord]

It would be utterly impossible for Lan Wangji to resist rising to this absurdly endearing occasion. At the top of one of those advertised office hours, he strides into the parlor in question, takes a seat across from Magnus, and fixes him with an expectant look without saying anything.

[summerdude]

"Hanguang-jun! What's up!"

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji's mouth twitches, just a little, with suppressed amusement. "I am awaiting your advice regarding my relationship." He folds his hands in his lap.

[tallyyoungblood]

Since the day she'd spent with an ugly mind, Tally's been thinking a lot about how bubbly-making Aziraphale was for Crowley, and how bubbly-making Zane had been for her. Kissing, undoubtedly, is totally bubbly-making.

Now that she's learned that Gideon isn't dating Nina, or anybody, Tally's been having a hard time putting aside the idea of maybe, just maybe, kissing Gideon. Gideon likes girls (a LOT), she's Tally's friend, and Tally trusts her more than almost anyone else here. It's not like Tally really likes her, or anything. She's an ugly. But maybe she'd be okay with providing something better than caffeine for staying bubbly? It makes Tally totally bubbly to think about, even though it's also utterly embarrassing.

Tally plans to ask Georgia for advice, of course, but when she passes Magnus's sign, she stops and thinks it over. It can't hurt to get a second opinion, can it? Plus, maybe Magnus will feel happy that Tally wants his advice, and start liking her more. Tally had always felt so belonging when Shay asked her for fashion advice.

She goes to the room at the appointed hour, after she's thanked Gideon for her daily coffee delivery and shooed her away much faster than usual.

"Um, hi, Magnus-l--Magnus," she amends, remembering that Lan Wangji hadn't liked her jumping to -wa too quickly. "I saw your sign."

[summerdude]

"Oh, hey Tally." Magnus still doesn't really know what to make of her, but now that he knows a little more about what her whole deal is, he guesses she has her reasons. He can't help but be a little excited at the prospect of someone coming to him for actual advice. "What's up?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"Do you know much about... um... lesbians?" Tally says tentatively.

[aflashbastard]

Crowley doesn't need relationship advice¹ -- but you know what, he's in a good mood. A great mood, in fact. Let's see what the demigod child has to say.

"Hey," he says, with a little knock. "Magnus. The atheist, right?"

¹He probably most needed it a few days ago but he would never have asked for it or accepted it then.

[summerdude]

"Uh, yeah." Magnus hasn't talked to Crowley since he got here, but he remembers who he is, partly because Galahad has been giving him occasional updates via Claudius about his love life. "What's up?"

[aflashbastard]

Crowley shrugs. "Just swinging by. Checking in. I haven't talked with some of the people here much. I've been a bit, er, occupied." Occupied with acting like an absolute idiot.

[timebethine]

Laertes sees the sign on the kitchen door one morning, and he makes note of the time of Magnus's office hours. For the next three days, he makes note of the time of Magnus's office hours, promptly forgets that he was making a note of it, and remembers with a sense of guilt and regret the next morning. On the fourth day, he takes himself to the parlor immediately after making his breakfast deliveries, and he sits there with a book on electrical engineering until Magnus arrives.

[summerdude]

Magnus comes into the room about two minutes late, squeaky clean with his still-damp hair staining his shirt with water. His skin is still definitely extremely pink from the heat of his shower. When he sees Laertes, he brightens. "Hi!" he says, automatically launching into signing as he talks.

[timebethine]

"Hello," Laertes answers, signing back. Thereafter, although he doesn't translate every word he says, he does punctuate his words with meaningful signs and signs he remembers. "I didn't realize thou wert an expert on relationships."

[untamedantinous]

Enjolras has been haunting the café, as per usual —and he is not precisely in search of relationship advice; but he is certainly willing to spend time with Magnus. So he stops by with a flier of his own—the one he and Grantaire had made about their meeting, and pokes his head in the parlor, giving a wave. “Good morning.”

[summerdude]

"Enjolras! What's up, my dude?" Magnus doesn't bother asking if he's come for advice. Most people haven't.

[untamedantinous]

“I brought you a handbill of my own,” he says, and offers it. “I thought it might be nice to have a general meeting, if not a meal; just to see how it might work here.” A beat. “I also wanted to say hello.”