If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[wickedwit]

"I'm waiting," he says with affected innocence.

[summerdude]

"Claudius?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?????!"

[wickedwit]

“Oh, I suppose this might not be common knowledge in your time,” Claudius says, blithely aware he’s burying the lede. “When two houses are united through marriage, they impale their heraldry — that means they combine their coats of arms. But I’m no longer a prince of Denmark, and Galahad is no longer a knight of Britain, so we’ll be creating something new between us. Like in every other stage of our courtship. The wedding will also take some invention, and it may be a long betrothal … but the proposal was all by Galahad’s initiative. He wrote me a love letter.” He flashes the opal ring on his fourth finger. “And he gave me this.”

[summerdude]

Obviously Magnus knew about individual pieces of all of this -- the letter, for example, and Galahad's quest for a perfect romantic gift, but they hadn't caught up on the specific outcome of all of that yet. (Magnus spares a quick second of regret for being so grumpy about missing Alex lately.) "Yeah," he tells Claudius, excitement oozing out of every single one of his pores. "I have a lot of feelings about the impaling of heraldry. I think it's so important. Definitely the most important thing you've said to me today."

[wickedwit]

"Consider it part of your education in European diplomacy."

[summerdude]

"Claudius!!"

[wickedwit]

“The announcements will, of course, all need the appropriate seals.” He idly turns his other ring, the signet ring, but not from nervousness. He’s rather enjoying himself, and Magnus’s reaction. “But conferences with close friends come before announcements. I expect to follow Lady Post’s advice — if you’ve never read her, I think you’d like her. She writes rather frankly on the importance of a group of friends to sound out potential suitors, the way you sounded me on our first meeting. It’s more important than the approval of a father, I think. And while it’s the mother-of-the-bride who’s entrusted with spreading good news, I fully expect we’ll be handing that duty to you.” Right now, in fact, Claudius is handing Magnus that duty. It’s all practically decided on. There will be seals.

[summerdude]

Magnus, who is the mother of one groom's child, nods; this seems like a totally reasonable extrapolation. "You sure can't give that duty to Lancelot," he says, earnestly and a little grimly. He doesn't really know who Lady Post is, just that Galahad talks about her sometimes, but he can read between the lines, especially when something is clearly stated outright. "And obviously I'll wait till you're done with your, um, conferences. Is this a conference?" He thought they involved, like, board rooms.

[wickedwit]

"We're discussing matters of importance in the privacy of the parlor," gesturing with his Jarritos bottle, "with refreshments. If anyone inveigles you into conferencing without refreshments, I suggest the cut direct. It depends on the time of day, perhaps, and on what matters are under discussion ... but in general it shows a woeful lack of consideration."

[summerdude]

"If there's one thing the Norse are good at, it's making sure there's a feast during all discussions," Magnus says, thoughtfully. "Except like, 60% of the time, some jotunn will eat everything and not leave anything behind for any hungry einherjar."

[wickedwit]

"Jotunn," Claudius says with a sigh, as though he understands the type. He doesn't. With a little creative imagination, he thinks he could, but he really doesn't.

[summerdude]

"Yeah, they're masters of illusion magic and trickery. Never let a jotunn tell you they're going to 'share' a meal with you. You'll get, like, crumbs."

[wickedwit]

"Mn," Claudius says, as he considers whether he does know the type. "Would you describe a jotunn as a scrub?"

[summerdude]

"It depends on the jotunn, I think. Utgard-Loki has scrublike tendencies but sometimes he's okay? Thrym was definitely a scrub. So was Thrynga. Skadi definitely isn't a scrub. I don't know about Gerd; I've never met her. Surt... Surt is just scary." There's obviously hundreds more, but this seems like a pretty good assortment to start with.

[wickedwit]

“I see. So a decent proportion of scrubs, with powers that would tend to underscore one’s scrublike tendencies. A guy who thinks he’s fly is even more unbearable when he’s a master of illusions and trickery, and swindling someone of their share of a meal is his idea of a clever jape.”

[summerdude]

"You can say that again," Magnus laughs. "It's all, 'you're under my protection by rule of guest rights!' until you realize they're going to deliberately misinterpret everything you say in a way that will let them try to kill you anyway."

[wickedwit]

Claudius shakes his head. "If I can thank my upbringing for anything -- and I can thank it for very few things -- it's for impressing on me the importance of hospitality." Magnus won't hear it, but he says the Danish word, gæstfrihed, guest-freedom.

[summerdude]

"Yeah, Jack taught me all about that stuff. He cares a lot about the proper way of doing things."

[wickedwit]

"I like to know the rules of the game I'm playing, whether it's propriety or impropriety. In a place like this, where people come from all worlds and our hosts are invisible, we've no standard but the ones we set ourselves. Each new guest becomes the next host. Which is why this whole business with Lancelot stings," he says with a sigh. "It's not an unreasonable thing, I think, to hold a guest to account for striking a host. Even if he thought his host a portent. Yet Lancelot still couldn't seem to grasp why I took exception to him, or why loving Galahad might make me protective. I had to explain it to him, and when I asked for his empathy ... well, you would've thought I asked for much worse. For a moment I thought he might strike me, but that's likely because of my own history." The last he dismisses with a wave of his hand, rather than dwell on. "Ultimately, he responded quite civilly. It's still tiresome."

[summerdude]

Magnus makes a face. "I think he maybe gave me good advice, that day I was asking everyone about sex," he says, in tones of greatest commiseration. "It was infuriating." Then he brightens. "I pissed him off by thanking him by giving him a self-improvement reading list."

[wickedwit]

“You know just how to cheer me,” Claudius says, brightening alongside Magnus. “What a beautifully veiled provocation. If he did read some books, perhaps he could learn some empathy without needing it exhaustively pored over by the very people he’s hurt.”

[summerdude]

"I just think he needs to understand that first of all, sexism is bad, and B of all, having trauma is no excuse for making it everyone else's problem."

[wickedwit]

Claudius is appreciating Magnus's creative turns of phrase, when it occurs to him to ask, "What do you mean by trauma?"

[summerdude]

Magnus is about to answer, when he thinks to check: "In the context of Lancelot, or the meaning of the word itself?"

[wickedwit]

"The word itself. I do appreciate how many you're adding to my vocabulary."