If Alex Came Back We'd DEFINITELY Be The Local Power Couple [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus has come to realize that nobody else in this entire place is presently in a relationship that has lasted nearly as long as his and Alex's. Shen Yuan's concept of "communication" "with" "Luo Binghe" is continuing to horrify him every time he thinks about it. What if there are other people who could use the advice of a sixteen-year-old twenty-five-year-old virgin who has been in a committed relationship for nearly seven years with someone to who he is probably widely known to have never verbally declared the undying depths of his love? (Gods, he hopes Alex figures out a way to do another little visit for their rapidly-approaching anniversary)

To that end, he posts an announcement sign over the welcome table, in the café, and on the door to the kitchen. It reads:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OR FEEDBACK? Local Long-Term Relationship Expert Magnus Chase Offers His Aid.

He even lists office hours — an inoffensive parlor (meaning he can tolerate hanging out in it, and the door can close if people want privacy for their conversations) every other day for an hour, immediately following his Drosera hand-off to Galahad.

Comments

[summerdude]

"Prophecies are more trouble than anything," Magnus says, confidently.

[aflashbastard]

"Absolutely," Crowley agrees. "Say, have you been taking care of some of the plants in the greenhouse? They keep telling me about you."

[summerdude]

"No, not really, I thought that was, like, Claudius's thing and I didn't want to intrude," Magnus says, and then blinks, impressed. "You can talk to plants? Like Ragnelle?"

[aflashbastard]

"Partially my thing. Kind of." By thing, he means threatening the plants to grow better, otherwise they'll get thrown out of the greenhouse. He still hasn't carried through on any of the threats, though -- but he's absolutely capable of it. "But yeah, they keep talking about how great you are."

[summerdude]

"Whoa. Really?"

[aflashbastard]

He shrugs. "I mean, you bring warmth and you can encourage them to grow. I suppose plants like those things."

[summerdude]

"Huh." A smile unfurls over Magnus's face. "That's cool."

[aflashbastard]

“Well, except for the orchids,” Crowley confides. “The orchids gossip.”

[summerdude]

"Okay, well now you have to tell me what they gossip about," Magnus says, immediately.

[aflashbastard]

"You're reading Emma for the angel?" The bright purple orchid asks Crowley, in judgmental yet intrigued tones. The rest of the orchids in the center of the greenhouse hear this and quake slightly, excited for whatever new information the conversation could dredge up. "Do you think it'll win him over? Is this really the smartest idea you could come up with?"

Crowley ducks his head a little lower behind the book, pretending he can't hear it. "I'm sure he's trying his best," the pink orchid says, in a kinder tone.

"His best is an idiot's worst," the purple one snickers.

"Shut up," Crowley mutters, "or I'll put you in direct sunlight."

"You wouldn't dare," the purple orchid says. "I'm the pride and joy of this greenhouse. Claudius in particular-- oh, someone's coming! Is it for the party?" The orchids quiver at the idea of a party. A large gathering in the greenhouse! So much discussion! Crowley's fight or flight instinct is to stash Emma somewhere behind the bench he was reading it on and then turn into a snake. The purple orchid very slowly shakes its petals right before the first of the cake is carted in, as if its worst assumptions are confirmed. "Idiot."

---

"Uh," Crowley says. "You know what, forget about it."

[summerdude]

Magnus squints at Crowley, suspicious. "Okaaaaaay," he says, slowly. "Keep your secrets."

[aflashbastard]

"They gossip about us," Crowley tells him, keeping it vague. "They're kind of rude about it sometimes too. The purple orchid is the worst. The ringleader. They enjoyed your birthday party though."

[summerdude]

"Is talking to plants something a guy could learn, or is it just another thing demons can do that regular old dead teenagers can't?" Magnus asks, genuinely curious. Ragnelle couldn't teach him to talk to trees, and Luo Binghe wouldn't teach him how to manipulate his own dreams, but maybe Crowley and his plants are a different story?

[aflashbastard]

"You know, I'm not actually sure. I can do a lot of things other demons can't. Or maybe they just don't try¹, but--" He shrugs. "We could try it at some point."

¹They aren't typically demonic activities, after all: bringing doves back to life, mothering plants, or producing boxes of chocolates for angels.

[summerdude]

"Cool," Magnus grins. "I keep thinking how weird it is that I can control plants but I can't talk to them."

[aflashbastard]

"Most of them don't choose to say much. To me, at least. It's mostly just the houseplants or the ones that are around humans a lot."

[summerdude]

"I guess that makes sense. More exposure, or whatever." Magnus looks up at Crowley. "Crows like to talk about their doctoral dissertations. Squirrels like to talk about their interpersonal dramas. I guess chipmunks are the most gossipy animal."

[aflashbastard]

"Doctoral dissertations?" Crowley asks, more impressed than disbelieving. "I personally enjoy ducks."

[summerdude]

"Ducks are pedantic as hell," Magnus offers. "It's actually very funny."

[aflashbastard]

"Maybe that's why I like them so much."

[summerdude]

"You like 'em until you get into a super involved conversation with them, and then it's like, rules-lawyering Connect Four vibes up in that pond," Magnus says. He's been in that exact situation at least three times. "And then you don't wanna talk to them nearly as much."

[aflashbastard]

"Maybe it's best if I can only understand plants, not animals. They don't like me that much anyway."

[summerdude]

"Why not?"

[aflashbastard]

"Demon?" Crowley says, with a shrug.

[summerdude]

"What does that have to do with anything?" Magnus asks, curious.