New Plan, Step One: Provide For My Community [open]

[summerdude]

Magnus needs something to change, so when a Mansion calendar helpfully informs him that it's International Falafel Day back on Earth, he goes to the library for some cookbooks, and then to the kitchen.

He lays out ten different falafel recipes. He gathers the ingredients they list, as best as he can understand them. He has canned chickpeas and fresh chickpeas and dried chickpeas and chickpea flour and box mixes of falafel that say 'just add water!'

Cripes.

"I can do this," he says, peering at the assorted recipes intently for a good ten minutes, and then takes the dried chickpeas over to the sink to rinse and soak.

Comments

[onthewillowsthere]

"There were lots of colors. Apollo was there."

[summerdude]

Magnus can't help it; he grimaces when Galahad mentions Apollo. "Ugh," he says, and then, "Too many colors for me?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"I told him I knew he was your dad," peacefully. He's almost done with his half of the chickpeas. "It was too many colors for you. Some of the flags had rainbows."

[summerdude]

Magnus rushes to catch up. "It was a... wait. The greek gods know about pride?"

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad gives him a Look. He can't think of a clarifying question that wouldn't be easier than just waiting for Magnus to explain, and, more than that, he wants to listen while Magnus just talks, the way they used to. What made Magnus so easy to be friends with in the beginning, when Galahad was like a clenched fist instead of a person, fingers biting into a palm, was that Magnus didn't expect him to say anything -- and Magnus never said anything he didn't mean. He is like Percival. He came upon Galahad and chose him, in spite of who he was, and he's never made Galahad guess what the truth is. Now that that feels less than certain, suddenly, Galahad wants more than anything to hear Magnus go on a long and half-incomprehensible explanation of what pride and rainbow flags have to do with each other.

[summerdude]

Sorry, Galahad! "Did Uncle D, like. Explain why he was putting glitter on you?"

[onthewillowsthere]

He shakes his head.

[summerdude]

"Okay. Well. Did you like it?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"Yes. I asked."

[summerdude]

"Good," says Magnus, a little awkwardly. He wants desperately to bridge the gap that he's sensing between them, but he doesn't know how. "And that's all you've been up to?" It seems enough for, like, one day spent apart, the way they were for months, but it's been... it's been over a week, now. Possibly two? Magnus has lost track of time since Shen Yuan died.

[onthewillowsthere]

It feels as if Magnus is slipping through his fingers.

"Susan has a cat," Galahad says.

[summerdude]

"Susan?" Magnus asks, blankly, before his mind supplies a face. "Oh. Susan-Susan? Your d--Lancelot's girlfriend?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"She's a scientist. Claudius likes her."

[summerdude]

"Oh." Magnus searches for something else to say, but all his mind is producing is, you hung out with the woman who clearly doesn't like me and not me? "Cool. Science!"

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad is quiet for a long moment. He finishes with his chickpeas and puts the bowl down. He likes finishing things.

"Magnus," he says, flatly. "Your vibe is still weird. Stop being weird."

His face is completely blank, and his heart is racing.

[summerdude]

Magnus looks over, and -- oh no, Galahad is upset. Galahad is concerned. Galahad is a little scared. Honestly, so is Magnus.

Magnus thinks about what Claudius said, about how Magnus gave Galahad a fun quest long after he thought he wouldn't get them anymore. Is he jealous of how close Claudius and Galahad are -- not like that, obviously, just in that Claudius does always get Galahad every day?

He thinks of Percy telling him that his power is his community. Which is a stupid memory to dredge up; obviously Magnus knows his strength is his community.

Galahad is, like, his no-romo person, or whatever. The most important friend he has. Before Shen Yuan died, Magnus would get freaked out about Galahad's mortality regularly. Is that what's going on? He doesn't know.

"I don't know what's happening," he says. The skin on his face feels hot, drawn tight around his eyes. He blinks rapidly. "I don't-- I--"

[onthewillowsthere]

"Talk," he orders.

[summerdude]

Magnus knows Galahad is just concerned, knows he probably has the same mixed-up sad feelings about whatever it is going on that Magnus does. But Magnus still feels, a little, like the walls are closing in on him. He slumps back against the counter, then slides down until he's sitting on the floor, concentrating on his breathing in the way he does when he meditates, trying to keep the anxiety from growing.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad wants to shout at him. He wants to tell Magnus, I trust you. Please stop hiding things from me. Please stop pretending you don't have anything to say. Please just talk. I always listen to you. Please let me listen. Please stop making me afraid I don't understand you -- I do understand you. I know everything is wrong since Shen Yuan died. It was wrong with Claudius, too, and there wasn't anything I could do except make him eat and sleep and wait for something to change. You aren't letting me do anything for you, and that makes it worse. You're my best friend. Please let me do something to make it easier.

He remembers when Claudius came to him in his old room, when he was trying to die. He remembers how Claudius kept talking, guessing what he was feeling, blaming himself, and how Galahad tried to absolve him because that was all he knew how to do. He remembers Magnus talking to him outside by the lake.

Suddenly it felt like someone was tightening a belt around my chest so I couldn't breathe. Being outside helped. Finding a place that feels... wild, and green, and fresh. Putting my head in the lap of someone safe and having them stroke my hair.

Carefully, Galahad reaches down for Magnus' hand and curls their fingers together. "Let's go outside."

[summerdude]

Magnus takes Galahad's hand, lets him help him up, and follows him obediently outside.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad doesn't lead them all the way to his chapel; it's a long walk. There are closer green places. The garden is even closer, but he wants a part of it Claudius hasn't been maintaining -- somewhere more like the wildflower meadows he and Percival used to ride through.

Finally he finds a good spot, underneath a small copse of birch trees where mayapples and wild cranes-bill are growing. He sits down and tugs Magnus down beside him, coaxing Magnus' head into his lap.

[summerdude]

Magnus closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of growing things. The sun-warmed grass, the spring flowers dotted throughout, the sap in the trees warming and rising. It's overlaid with the scent of the soap Galahad uses for laundry, the light smell of the hulled chickpeas on his fingers, and the faint woodsmoke from Magnus's morning campfire settling into his own clothes. He's shivering, but not from the mid-spring chill, which, despite his short sleeves and fragile worn jeans, he doesn't feel. He takes a deep breath, and then another, and another. There are grape hyacinths somewhere nearby, and some sort of buttercup, too. Hortense skitters overhead, chattering about Henrietta.

Magnus's feet are soil. His legs are soil. His hips and belly and chest are soil. His heart, pounding too hard in his chest, is soil. He can let his roots settle into the ground and let the soil ease around them. His eyelids, though he doesn't know this, look more translucent than usual over his closed eyes. Almost bruised. Outside, some color leeches back into his pale, drawn face. His arms are soil, his hands, his fingers. Galahad's fingers are in his hair. His neck is soil. His head. He shivers.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad doesn't ask any questions for now. He just combs his fingers through Magnus' hair, and wonders whether Shen Yuan is with them. He hopes so. He's glad Shen Yuan is there while he's training, but this is more important, and it would help for Shen Yuan's spirit to cover his hand with its own and remind Magnus that he's safe.

[summerdude]

Magnus's shivering slows with his breathing, but it's not because the clawing feeling in his chest has abated. It's because his bone-deep exhaustion overtakes him now that his hindbrain has registered that he's somewhere safe, and he's fallen asleep.

[onthewillowsthere]

And although the vibes remain very, very bad, Galahad stays there with him, cradling his body like a kind of pieta while he sleeps.