Perhaps Instead Of A Homeless Teen I Shoulda Been A 19th Century Newsboy, Given All These Headlines

[summerdude]

It's been a big few days in general, and this day, specifically, has also been pretty big, and so Magnus does the number two thing that reliably lets him reach a place where he feels more grounded: he goes to Hanguang-jun's parlor at a time when Hanguang-jun is also there playing music. (Number one, of course, is burying his face against Alex's belly and groaning. Number three, embarrassingly, is still finding a summery spot outside and praying to his dad.)

This time, he has a stack of comic books to go through -- he wants to start making tailored recommendation lists, for Tally and Lancelot (who he's made general recommendations to), but also for Galahad and Sagramore and Sunny and Hanguang-jun and Gideon and Shen Yuan and Gu Xiang and Tress and Nina. So he lays on the ground for a while, paging through issues while Hanguang-jun quietly picks out a tune on his qin and Danding nibbles his hair.

But after about half an hour, he's still got excitement and overstimulation brimming through his veins, so he sets Sensational She-Hulk #39 to one side (it's definitely going on Lancelot's list, probably also Tally's, possibly also Gideon's), twists his head, and waits for a lull in the music. When it comes, he says, "Hanguang-jun? I have... stuff. Not crisisy stuff. Mostly good stuff, and also... some questionsy stuff."

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

"I do, too. That is why we chose to end Aornis' life. It was not an easy decision, either."

[summerdude]

"No," Magnus agrees. He sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hanguang-jun. I really am a hundred percent Team Claudius. I'm just trying to, you know. Wrap my mind around all of this."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji gives his head another fond caress. "I hoped, once, that there would always be a clear path and that if everything was done correctly, no pain would ever follow. I wish I had been right."

[summerdude]

"Thank you for telling me all this stuff, though. It does help clarify things."

[lightbearinglord]

"Do you have further questions?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah, actually. I want to make it really clear that I'm Team Claudius, but I think he might take it, you know, really badly if I, like, you know. Reject him to his face."

[lightbearinglord]

Indeed, Lan Wangji stiffens slightly with a fresh frisson of tension as he looks down at him. "No. Do not provoke Luo Binghe."

[summerdude]

"So what should I do? Keep the alliance we had when Shen Yuan was dead but make my support of Claudius clear and not let it go farther?"

[lightbearinglord]

"Must you say anything to him?"

[summerdude]

"I think I probably shouldn't just ghost him, either."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji pauses. "What?" It is an inopportune time for him to misunderstand a colloquialism.

[summerdude]

"That's when you stop talking to someone with no explanation. People use it in my time to break up, like, relationships or friendships -- or in this case, alliances -- or whatever."

[lightbearinglord]

"Is your alliance not finished now that Shen Yuan has returned? Do you frequently speak with him as it is?"

[summerdude]

"Sometimes? Like for example there was the time when we had the dream conversation, and the time that he opened a portal to my camp with his sword and then Jack started hitting on her so much he couldn't leave." Magnus is pretty sure Hanguang-jun knows about both of these things; he definitely at least told him that Jack likes Xin Mo. "That's why I was so surprised that he wasn't trying to do better with people. But I'm talking about the placeholder, Hanguang-jun. Since he asked if we were friends and I didn't commit. I think it's a bad idea to ghost him, especially since this place is small and he knows where I, you know. Live."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji frowns, eyes still trained on Magnus' face where his head rests. "But you did not commit," he says. "What is his expectation of you now? Is there one?"

[summerdude]

"I don't know. I haven't asked." Hopefully, Magnus says, "Maybe he'll ghost me now that Shen Yuan's back."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji regrets that he is not speaking with Claudius, to whom he could make an uncharitable remark without fear of causing upset. "Mn," he says noncommittally instead. "And does he have some commitment to you?"

[summerdude]

Ever the evocative and specific young man, Magnus shrugs. In his defense, it's a tough question! He doesn't think so, but who knows what Luo Binghe thinks!

[lightbearinglord]

"There is no specific expectation between the two of you, then. He will not notice if you fail to appear for some standing appointment, not now that Shen Yuan's body is restored."

[summerdude]

"But if he does?"

[lightbearinglord]

Another small frown appears on Lan Wangji's face. He allows silence to win out for a long moment. "I'm not certain how to advise you," he admits, "because I am surprised that Luo Binghe thought you a potential candidate for friendship at all. I would have thought him canny enough not to make that request of someone so close to both Claudius and Galahad." It goes to show, he thinks, how little weight Luo Binghe truly puts on, as Magnus says, the magnitude of what he did. If he understood how much pain he had caused, he would never have bothered to put Magnus in this position in the first place.

[summerdude]

Magnus shrugs again, shoulders bumping into Hanguang-jun's legs. "Maybe he was focusing on the wrong stuff about me."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." Another protracted silence. "I want you to be careful, but not so careful that you must abandon your principles. I told Claudius that I would rather stand beside him, unprotected, than take shelter under the roof of a tyrant."

[summerdude]

This, of everything Hanguang-jun has said, makes a few things slot into place for Magnus. Luo Binghe could kill Hanguang-jun, according to Hanguang-jun, who (as far as Magnus can tell) is an exceptionally good fighter, especially when he's being super protective of the people he loves, and yet Hanguang-jun is willing to risk that. The things Luo Binghe has done to him sound awful -- especially when considered on top of the significantly worse stuff he's done to Claudius.

Luo Binghe told Magnus that it's unsafe to make friends where he comes from. That might is the only way to keep from getting hurt. But what's the point of avoiding hurt if you're hurting everyone else in the process? Magnus had thought maybe Luo Binghe was working on changing -- and maybe he is! -- but if he was continuing to attack Claudius and Hanguang-jun even after he and Magnus had talked about how he wanted to try a different path... well, that's not the greatest sign about his future behavior? Especially since Luo Binghe implied he'd be willing to attack Magnus's friends down the line if it benefited him, and didn't clarify what that meant.

And... Magnus knows all about false hope. He knows what it's like, to think maybe things could be different right before the other shoe drops firmly down, usually on his proverbial neck. That can be worse than never having hope in the first place. It's hard to live in a place of dread all the time -- that takes its toll, too. And he doesn't want Claudius to have to pay the price of that constant fear. But probably it's worse for Claudius if Magnus keeps insisting Luo Binghe could change, and trying to coax him into changing, and Luo Binghe... doesn't. That's a bad use of his energy. Maybe being Middle Ground Guy doesn't mean giving everyone equal attention and consideration. Maybe it means making a space as safe as possible for the people who need it most, de-escalating where he can without reinforcing existing problems.

Magnus is strong -- and he's, perhaps inaccurately, pretty sure Luo Binghe wouldn't hurt him, at least not as a first step. His energy is better spent standing with Claudius, who was tortured, than Luo Binghe, who needs to stop using torture. The knowledge of the way the plant body seeds can protect against demonic qi might be a sign of good faith, or it could just be a sign of Magnus's wishful thinking. If he stops putting more energy into trying to rehabilitate Luo Binghe than he's putting into defending Claudius, that's not necessarily a rejection of Luo Binghe's efforts... it's just reiterating that he's standing by his earlier word: that his people are Galahad and Hanguang-jun and Claudius, and he won't entertain a long-term relationship with anyone who stands opposed to them and their safety.

"I understand," he tells Hanguang-jun. "Thank you for explaining."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji takes in the look on Magnus' face for a moment, and perhaps he does, at last, see some clarity there. He finds Magnus' hand again, cupping it between the two of his and pressing it, gentle but definitive. "You're welcome. Is there anything else?"