You Say Overkill, I Say Due Diligence [open post]

[summerdude]

Magnus copies the sign onto seven different pieces of paper. It reads:

WANT TO LEARN NEW SKILLS? ME FREAKING TOO. I (Magnus Chase) Will Trade Lessons In Any Of The Following For Something You Know:

• ASL (Alf/American Sign Language)


• Camping (pitching tents, campfire safety, celestial navigation)


• What To Do If You Find Yourself Lost In The World Tree Yggdrasil


• Pickpocketing (But only if you promise to use it for good (stealing ONLY from dickhead rich people) and ONLY if you have to!)


• Swordfighting for Beginners (I am intermediate but Jack is advanced and he can help!)


• What It REALLY Feels Like To Die (NOT ADVICE!!!)


• (Trans)Gender Identity and Fluidity (from the perspective of a cis guy) (Alex-approved content only)


• What To Do If The God You're Talking To Is Super Obnoxious Particular


• Why Falafel is the Best Food in the World

All skills welcome! But if you know any of the following I am especially interested: Cooking, Geometry, How To Declare Your Love To Your Partner, Hand-to-Hand Combat, Balancing a Budget, Writing Poetry, Social Studies, Codebreaking.

(Sorry but I will not learn pottery from anyone but ♥Alex Fierro♥. I hope you understand.)

PS if there's enough interest we can maybe do full classes where everybody gets to take turns teaching and learning?

He adds a note about the areas where he can most frequently be found and then posts one sign in each of the two kitchens he's encountered, one by the welcome table, one on the door to the greenhouses, one in the library, one on his bedroom door, and one by what he believes to be the most-populated lounge. Then, with a great deal of eager anticipation, he goes about his day.


[A note from Magnus's typist: Open indefinitely!]

Comments

[summerdude]

Magnus swallows the huge bite he'd just taken off the enormous wrap he's constructed from odds and ends in the fridge and clears his throat. "Well, it depends on the god but the first step is to say something polite and, like, ego-stroking or otherwise useful so they don't decide to kill you right then and there."

He turns around as he says it, and he brightens at the sight of Grantaire. "Hey dude! Long time no see, how have you been settling in? Which god have you been dealing with? Not Rosmerta, right?" This last is said with a laugh at his own earlier mistake.

[futaille]

Grantaire chuckles. "Well, good advice to have anyway, yes? Wouldn't want to be left wishing I had gotten the lesson if it turns out I need it." He takes a seat. "I've been settling in well enough, I think."

[summerdude]

"Yeah?" Magnus says. He starts arranging his mental notes on dealing with gods so he can start the lesson in earnest, but pauses as something occurs to him. "Hey, did you ever find your friend?"

[futaille]

"My... oh, Enjolras?" He hesitates. "We've spoken."

[summerdude]

"Oh good," Magnus enthuses. He takes another bite of his wrap and chews. Upon swallowing, he says, "I told him you were here! When I healed him you were at the forefront of his thoughts. I'm glad you two hooked up."

[futaille]

If Grantaire knew what hidden camera shows were, you could say he's looking like he thinks he might be on one at this moment. "I was at... what?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah, like, so," Magnus pauses. "Um, I forget if I told you this but I can heal pretty much most wounds, and he was in bad shape when he got here, so I fixed it! But when I heal people I see the memories at the forefront of their minds. I, um. It's rude to share the details of someone else's memories," no matter how romo-coded they are, "so I won't, but. Yeah. It's nice that you can have a, um, you know. A... friend here. Very lucky, I think."

[futaille]

He's quiet for a moment. "This would have been right after we died, then?"

[summerdude]

"I guess?" Magnus says. The others in Enjolras's memory were dying, but Grantaire had been alive and taking his hand. "It was right when he got here, at least."

[futaille]

Grantaire nods. "All right. That makes sense, then." He would have been one of the last things Enjolras saw, after all, of course it still would have been in his head. He heads to the fridge and pulls a bottle of beer out.

"So. Particular gods?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah," Magnus says. He puts down his wrap and goes to the fridge to get a measure of mead, since it looks like Grantaire is settling in, then pulls up a seat. "What do you want to know?"

[futaille]

He sits down himself with his bottle and leans back. "Well, I guess I'll start with what you started with. What sort of things would stroke a god's ego?"

[summerdude]

"Well, first you should acknowledge a point of their pride," Magnus says. "For example, Heimdall watches over the Bifrost Bridge and can see and hear almost anything anywhere in the Nine Worlds, and he's prophesied to be the god who finally kills Loki, but he'd really rather be complimented on his selfie game. He's very passionate about it. Also --" he lowers his voice to a whisper, just in case --"bad at it. But he loves when people let him show him all of the photos he's taken over the years and talk about how cool they are."

[futaille]

He takes a drink. "Well. I'm not sure I quite understood about half of that, but I think I get the general idea. So... find out the god's interests and let them talk about that?"

[summerdude]

"No, you specifically have to gas them up about it," Magnus says. "Okay, another example. Say you run into a god of poetry and that guy's poetry sucks. Or they're the god of poetry but they prefer to be known for their rhythmic gymnastics. You comment on the thing they're obviously more interested in being recognized for, and you give a lot of glowing compliments. If your language is used car salesman-y -- uh, flowery and suck-uppy? -- enough, you don't even have to hide your tone."

He takes a bite of his wrap and washes it down with some mead, squinting at Grantaire. "Like, let's say that you were really into music more than you were into that -- revolution? Rebellion? That thing you were doing when you got here. So instead of being like, 'whoa, Grantaire, you're such a good fighter with such strong convictions,' I'd be like 'whoa, Grantaire, that was a sick lick on the guitar, my man. You should be recognize across the Nine Realms for your prowess with rhymes and power chords, for no one can hope to begin to emulate your greatness there.'

"Or maybe you were really into microbrews even though you were the god, of, like, the ocean. So instead of being like 'dude, that riptide was so deadly' I'd be like, 'this pumpkin spice mead you brewed is the tastiest mead I've ever had the honor of sipping on.' That one actually happened, by the way, when the sea god trapped me and my boat at the bottom of the ocean."

[futaille]

"That's impressive," Grantaire says with a highly amused grin. "So does this work for all gods?"

[summerdude]

"Oh, no," Magnus says. "It works really well with the ones who are more self-important, but there are a few that see through it pretty easily. Of the gods I've met, I'd say it would work on, maybe, 80% to 90% of the Aesir and Vanir but only 60% of the Jotnar? My cousin told me that the Greek and Roman pantheons are about the same."

[futaille]

"So not all gods, but most." He nods. "What do you do with the ones who'd see through it?"

[summerdude]

"Oh, well, those gods you just have to beat," Magnus says. "In competitions of trickery or might. Or you could be honest with them, but that's a lot riskier."

[futaille]

"So basically, hope you get a self-important god, find out what they like, and flatter them like your life depends on it?"

[summerdude]

Magnus considers this for a moment. "Well, like I said, it depends," he decides. "Not just on the god, but on what you want out of the situation."

[futaille]

He nods slowly. "Yes, that makes sense." He takes a long, thoughtful drink from his bottle. "So what if you're not sure what it is you want out of the situation? Just try to avoid the god and situation in question at all costs?"

[summerdude]

"Oh, that's not a good idea," Magnus says, setting his half-finished wrap down and taking another sip of mead. "You can't avoid gods. If you don't have a specific objective in mind, then I recommend picking a go-to objective to tide you over. Like 'figuring out what their secret passion is' or 'sucking up to them to curry favor for the future' or possibly 'offering your services on a quest' or something. But god are unavoidable. That's why my lesson is about learning their particularities rather than nopeing out of the exchange."

[futaille]

"You know, I think I'm glad I have not had the acquaintance of nearly as many gods as you have."

[summerdude]

"Have you met one, though?" Magnus asks. "To be interested in this particular topic?"